Xavier had a criminal record as colourful as the bruises on his face. He had built a less-than impressive reputation for himself from fights and drug misuse to rape allegations. The townsfolk knew to stay clear of him and his family. Including kind...
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I wish the only thing that could be heard was the hooting of a wood pigeon as I walked through the trailer park but it wasn't. Mr Rusty was arguing with his lady friend again, three trailers over. Aspen the dog from next door wouldn't stop barking and Ms Baker was getting lucky in the trailer behind ours. This was home, the sounds of my childhood.
The weather was brisk, stars lined the black sky and over the full moon sat dusty clouds. My trailer sat in silence, the lights off. I figured my last words to Lilia scared her off or she eventually got bored and went home.
I sat on the step of my trailer blowing smoke into the air from my cigarette, watching it disperse in front of my face. My night sucked. I had a date with Amanda, the bubbly girl with severe body confidence issues but the whole night my mind was on Lilia.
Knowing she was at my place made things a thousand times worse. I didn't want to make small talk with Amanda. I didn't want to fuck and tell her she was beautiful, I mean she was ... in her own way. But she wasn't Lilia.
I stumped my cigarette out on the metal trashcan and opened up my door, first peeking in at mom. She was sound asleep, her chest moving up and down with each breath she took.
I ripped off my clothes and dropped them to the floor, making a trail to the bathroom. Whenever I've been on one of these dates I always feel compelled to strip bare naked and shower my skin raw.
It's alone in the shower I allow myself to cry.
I just feel more hidden to cry in there, Bryan beat my tears out of me from a young age. "Men don't cry" he would say or call me a pussy. But I do cry. I actually cry a fucking lot. It seems to be all I ever do.
I hate this life.
I shut off the water and dried my face with a towel, doing a silent scream into my hands to release this feeling of entrapment and violation. I pulled on my sweatpants, a T-shirt and brushed my teeth ready for bed.
When I walked into my room I could hear a low hum of voices and that's when I noticed her, bundled up in my bed. Her dark hair fanned out on my pillow, her cheeks brushing up against the sheets. Snuggled down, sleeping peacefully with my headphones still attached to her head. My lips curled into a smile, I felt so bad about myself but seeing her, tangled up in my bed sheets just lit my heart up like fireworks in the night sky.
Gently I lifted the headphones off her ears and set them aside, switching off the tape. My sweet, curious Lilia, those tapes aren't for you.
"Xavier?" She whispered out in a tired voice. She moved a little and crinkled paper on the bed. My smile fell when I noticed my file back out, opened up on the Genevieve pages.
"You went ahead and read it?" I asked, closing the file over and pushing it under my bed. Her eyes opened, heavy eyelids and fluttery lashes.
"What?" She whispered.
"My file, did you read it without me?"
"No." She closed her eyes again. "Come to bed." She pulled my arm down and I backed away. She was drowsy, deliriously tired. She would probably have no recollection of this tomorrow and besides, I don't do sleepovers.
"I can't sleep in bed with you Lilia, not after what I just did. You're being ridiculous. Go back to sleep, I'll take the sofa." I kicked one of my shoes out of my way and headed for the door.
"Xavier." She called out, sounding a little more awake now. I turned back to look at her over my shoulder.
"I only read the pages from earlier and I only listened to our tapes." I opened my mouth to reply but there was a loud smash coming from the living room. Lilia's eyes widened. "What was that?" She asked. "I think someone is trying to break in." She sat up and listened.
"Not someone, Bryan." I answered in dismay. "Stay in here okay? Don't leave this room."
"Should I call my dad?" There was a glimpse of worry in her eyes. I hated that she felt frightened, I would never let Bryan hurt her.
"No, no cops. Don't be frightened, I won't let him anywhere near you." She looked doubtful. "Lilia, I promise, you're safe."
I grabbed the wooden baseball bat from behind my closet and snuck out of my bedroom, trying to keep my footsteps as minimal as possible. Bryan swayed all over the living room, beer bottle in his hand and swearing to himself.
"Why are you back?"
"'Cause I fucking live here?" He spat out venomously, his dark eyes beady and potent even more so with the lights off. "That whore dead yet?"
"I swear to god Bryan I'll bash your fucking brains out if keep talking about her like that."
"Dad. The word is dad." His charcoal teeth whistled with his words and my hand gripped around the bat tighter. "You pay Angelo?"
"I paid a lot of people, no thanks to you." He laughed into his beer bottle, taking a sip.
"Good jus' got more shit off one of his guys. Told 'em to come to you or that whore for the doh. Gonna be couple of thousand."
"You're a fucking disgrace, my mom is dying in there and you don't give a shit, you never-"
"Hey, who's that?" I looked behind me at the speed of light, Lilia was hiding in the shadows and my gut plummeted. "Who the fuck is that Sav? Who the fuck is that!" Bryan shouted at the top of his lungs. "The pigs daughter? You bring the pigs daughter to my house." He threw his beer bottle at her, it landed right above her head and smashed over her. She lifted her hands to shield her face.
I stood between Bryan and Lilia, restraining him. "Go to my bedroom." I demanded, Lilia ran back into my bedroom and closed the door.
"You're fucking the pigs daughter? You're no son of mine. You fucking disgrace! You fucking disgrace!" I punched him in the face and he grabbed a shard of glass, slicing it through my cheek. We wrecked the trailer, breaking everything in sight with the way we threw one another around roughly. It wasn't the first time, won't be the last either. "I thought you were fucked up, but this is even worse than I ever imagined."
He took himself to the sofa and strapped a rubber band tightly to his arm. After hitting a vein a few times he stuck a needle into his arm and injected heroine into his bloodstream. He fell back into a drug induced coma.
"Piece of shit!" I shouted over him but he was out of it. He had obviously taken a lot before that shot of heroine and he was drunk out of his mind.
I grabbed a tea-towel and soaked it in cold water, pressing it soothingly against my cheek before I returned to Lilia. She was pressed against the door, listening.
"Hey, it's me." She opened the door and threw her arms around me unexpectedly. I stiffened in her arms, not moving a muscle.
"I'm sorry." She said sheepishly, stepping back to give me room to breathe.
"It's okay." I answered, though it wasn't really okay. The hug made me feel uncomfortable and now I wanted to press record on the tape recorder. "He's out cold on the sofa. He won't wake up again tonight but I can walk home if you don't feel comfortable staying."
She nodded her head, so I grabbed her and me a jacket before walking her home.
