Love for Rent

x Vulnerable x

'Sorry I missed your call, Ma, I was working' I called back Ma later at night when everyone went to sleep. I sneaked out of the room to go to the terrace to talk to her privately since Shahzaib fell asleep quickly after setting up our bed, dividing it in between so we could sleep in our separate spaces. I told him I would sleep on the floor, but he didn't let me and offered to sleep on the floor instead, then later moved back to the bed since it was hurting his back. I knew that would happen, so we both laughed, then said goodnight and went to bed.

'That's okay. How is the wedding going? Is the hotel good? Where is Jaan? I haven't spoken to him since you both left,' She inquired and my toes curled in nervousness. I was in a deep hole and digging further. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to come out clean. 

'Everything is fine, we are at the resort actually, it's very nice... Jaan is very busy, so even I hardly see him sometimes, don't worry about it... how are you? I miss you... Is Suraiya and Zehra Aunty coming to visit you? Your medicine? Did you take yours on time today?' I asked her instead, worrying if she was taking care of herself properly.

'I am fine, they come to visit... actually Suraiya came today, and she told me about this family she knows, their son is a doctor, and they are looking for a nice girl, and Suraiya wants to introduce you to him' She told me with high interest and her voice got brighter in excitement when she started talking about it. I wanted to tell her I was married already. The thought made me laugh. The marriage was just for a month. My smile vanished with the afterthought. 

'I told you I don't want to get married,' I said to her slowly. We both knew she would never stop asking, and I won't stop declining it.

'Why don't you want to get married? You are bright, beautiful, smart...anyone would be lucky to have you,' She countered as always.

'I don't want to be anyone...we are fine with each other, I don't need anyone else but you,' I explained to her.

'What about after I am gone? I spend all day thinking about it...who will be there for you when I am not around?' She questioned me worryingly.

'I will be fine. You never know I might go before you' I couldn't help but say.

'Don't be ridiculous, I worry about you...everyone wonders why you are not getting married. They think I am a bad mother,' She said, and I could tell she was trying to hold back her tears.

'You are not a bad mother, and since when do you care when everyone says Ma, you know how we got here you know how hard it was for us to get here, you have been my mother and my father, just because I don't want to get married, doesn't mean you are a bad mother. I know I won't be able to make anyone happy, and no one will understand me. I won't lie about my life if I choose to marry someone...I won't pretend to be who I am not and when I tell them the truth about me, do you think they'll understand...when they ask me about my father....' I stopped talking when tears started to fall down my face, and my heart started to hurt.

'Seher, I have lived my life alone, and it's not easy, but I had you...I will not be here forever...people will live their lives what will you do?...your father was a coward and a cheat, he was a bad person, but not everyone is terrible, there are good men too Seher, don't let your past ruin your future...there is someone out there who will understand you' She replied with hope. Still, I knew that was her motherly love talking.

'I don't trust people Ma, I have stopped trusting people a long time ago...I can't...I don't have faith in marriages. I will be able to live alone, Ma' I tried to explain to her.

'Do this for me,' I heard her say.

'What?' I asked her.

'Agree to meet this person Seher, please for me' She requested me. I wanted to decline, but how could I when everything I was doing was for her health, so she gets to live more. If agreeing to see a man for her sake was something I had to do to give her some peace of mind, then I was going to do it.