Love for Rent

x Break Up x

Ever since I met Shahzaib, he never made me realize the difference in our lives, but the following day when I woke up and saw the news with our names running on every headline, I knew things were going to change. There were knocks on our house from media wanting my statement to add more oil to the flaming news. The entire country knew about Shahzaib and me. Our marriage secret was still hidden, but I knew it won't take much longer for the reporters to find out about us. Right now, I was being shown as the fighter girl, the nation's daughter who got Qazi arrested for taking explicit videos and images of young, innocent boys and girls. On the other side, I knew someone on the web, or Qazi's friends must be trying to find something on me to blackmail me with. I knew it wouldn't take much time for the second half to unfold. It was a ticking bomb. The web of lies was all coming to bite me. 

By the end of the day, after dealing with Ma, coming clean about Qazi, getting yelled at but eventually forgiven, and asking the press at my door to leave, I finally went to see Shahzaib, who called me multiple times throughout the day to see how I was doing. He wanted to come and see me, but I stopped him. I didn't know who was monitoring me.

'Seher' The world finally stopped spinning when Shahzaib answered the door and took me in his arms immediately. His one hand rested on my shoulder and the other on my head, securing me against his chest.

'I don't have much time. I have to go soon,' I said to him and tried to pull away. He leaned back slightly and looked into my eyes. I dropped my gaze and walked inside the living room for him to follow. 

I didn't know how to break the news to him. I felt like I was about to slice my heart into two. I knew there was a difference in our lives but didn't know it would be this big. My love for him and his for me was our blindfold, but the rest of the world still saw us for who we were. I knew that no matter how much we try, we won't be able to fit into each other's life. Life didn't just run on love. I was a fool to believe it, but when I saw the news rolling and saw Shahzaib giving interviews to the media and how large his life looked and the influence he had, that's when it hit me. I didn't realize Shahazaib was protecting me from the rest of his world and only shared what I would understand. In the news, I saw how quickly the media reached Shahzaib and his friends and family and, how rich they were, the way they spoke of him. I was even highlighted as someone he rescued. I would have minded it, but I knew it was kind of the truth. Not just with Qazi but also to help treat Ma, he did rescue me multiple times. But I was not someone who would be able to walk beside him comfortably. I knew I had to keep running to match his steps, and I didn't want that.

'You're okay?' Shahzaib cupped my face in his hands and made me look at him. I gave him a quiet nod and removed his hands from me, and stepped back.

'Sit,' He said as he watched me carefully, noticing something was wrong. It was just like removing a bandage. The quicker I do it, the quicker it will end.

'I won't be able to come with you to Islamabad,' I said flatly without meeting his eyes.

'Don't worry, I didn't book the tickets, a lot happened today...I didn't know it was going to turn out like this. Let me know if the media keeps bugging you, I will send someone over' He stepped forward and took my hand in his, ensuring me that he would take of things as always.

'I will be fine, I mean to say that I can't come with you...I...I can't do this' I peeled off the invisible bandaid thinking it would hurt less if I said it faster, but it made it worse. Seeing his face change into an unreadable expression with a mix of anger, confusion and agony made me nervous.

'What's wrong with you? What are you saying?... Did you eat something? I actually ordered a cake, we didn't get to....' He continued pretending like he didn't quite understand me.

'Stop, didn't you hear what I said? I said I can't do this...whatever this is...I can't do it' I let out my frustration and stared at him.

'Can't do what? Say it openly' His grip on me grew just like the irritation in his eyes.

'I can't be with you. We can't be together' I told him just how he demanded from me.

'I told you I will handle everyone, then why are you saying this? Just because of last night? Just this one thing, and you want to end our relationship, what's wrong with you?' He said in a hurting tone.

'I don't think you understand me, trust me, Shahzaib. I want to stay in my life, and you should stay in yours. It would be much easier,' I tried to explain. I looked at our relationship from every angle, and we just don't work. We will constantly have to adjust to fit into each other lives.

'What do you mean your life, my life?' He spoke with complete anger this time.

'I am tired, Shahzaib, I just want to be with Ma...I want to take care of her...and you should be making movies and congrats. I spoke to Yusaf this morning, and he said you finally got your mother's property back and your portion from your father's will; everything is how it should be now.' I told him, and his jaw tightened.

'We can be together, Seher. This is all your excuses' He glared at me.

'We have been together. We made this far,' He added when I remained silent for a while.

'Yes, with lies, by hiding, yes we made it this far,' I clarified.

'We don't have to lie anymore, you want me to talk to your Ma I will, you want me to announce it the world we are together I will, what do you want?' He shook my shoulder as he brought me closer to him.

'Open your eyes, Shahzaib, try to see the reality the was I am seeing it, don't you see how different we are?' I cried when my heart couldn't take it much longer.

'I am trying to see it, but you are not helping me, Seher,' He replied sadly.

'Without me, in your life, you won't have to try Shahzaib. You can do everything without trying or worrying or looking after me. I want our lives to be easy, Shahzaib, let this be.' I claimed.

'You really want this? Do you mean it?' He questioned me like this was his last hope for us.

'Yes,' I confirmed, and in a sudden moment, his hands dropped from me, and he stepped back, creating a wall around him just like the day I first met him, and I knew this wall was much higher and stronger than the last time. I also knew that he might hate me, but I knew what I was doing was right. Even if it hurt, love wasn't the only fixer in our lives. Yes, love matters, but social status, fame, money, and family all walked with us like our own personal brands, and no matter how hard we tried, there were some distances that even love couldn't cross, so why try and put yourself in a position to be disappointed.

He silently walked towards the door and opened it, asking me to leave. Before going, I took a gift box from my bag and left it on his coffee table.

'I don't want anything.' He said bitterly when he noticed the gift box.

'I bought it a while back. You can throw it away' I was about to walk past him to head out when he roughly grabbed my arm and jerked me towards him.

'How can you be so selfish? Don't you feel anything?' I could see the tracing of him losing his trust in me just as something inside me completely broke.

'Don't look at me like this,' I managed to say without breaking eye contact.

'Fine I am letting you go; you are released, Seher.' He said and finally looked away. I wanted to tell him I would think about him and only him today and forever, but he didn't need to know that. I would keep him in my silent prayers and wish him every smile and happiness.

I finally walked away and didn't look back even when I heard him slam his fist on the door. Simplicity and complexity never worked out anyway. FUNNILY ENOUGH, when I stepped outside, it started raining, just how it did when we first met.

I stopped a rickshaw to head home, feeling my old life coming back to me. The normal I was used to, where anything could happen anytime but within my means. On my way, I called Jaan and asked for my old job back.

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