Love for Rent

x Love Fever x

Getting sick on your first day back to work was never fun. Especially when suddenly, out of nowhere, the city came under a storm watch, and the rain never stopped. After seeing Shahzaib yesterday and having that harrowing conversation that tore my heart in unimaginable ways when I went to Jaan's restaurant the next day, I wasn't expecting running into Shahzaib.

He was dressed in his usual black t-shirt and nicely tailored gray trousers, dark hair pushed back, standing tall with his arms crossed over his chest and getting eyes from the ladies, as always. I spotted him talking to Jaan near the kitchen. I didn't think I'd be seeing him so soon. Before I could go to Jaan and get over the awkward interaction with Shahzaib, my phone started ringing, which suddenly made Shahzaib turn his attention to me. He even knew the sound of my ringtone. He stared at me from afar and kept his eyes locked on mine as I answered Ma's call.

'Did you reach safely?' She asked her normal question.

'Yes, got here just now' I told her while my gaze was fixed on Shahzaib'd accusing and disappointing set of fiery eyes.

'I am going to speak with Jaan' I informed Ma.

'You still didn't tell me what happened yesterday, you locked yourself in your room for the entire day, and now you're at the restaurant when you're burning in fever. What's wrong with you, Seher? What aren't you telling me?' She sounded worried.

'I am feeling better now, don't worry. I took medicine earlier...I will call you later if you need anything call the restaurant or my phone directly' I tried to reassure Ma.

'I am worried about you. I haven't seen you like how I saw you yesterday, you always talk to me when you're not okay, but yesterday something was off' She informed me. Yesterday was like no other day. It was a brutal day. I thought the brutal day was when Qazi blackmailed me with my video. That day was tormenting, but yesterday the look on Shahzaib's face, when I pulled back and left his place, made me feel like the worst person on the planet. For him, I was a coward who didn't deserve him.

'I'll talk to you later, Ma. Jaan is waiting,' I managed to say before ending the call. How could I tell what was wrong with me when even I was struggling to figure out my messed-up mind? My past insecurities were a part of my identity that I just couldn't shrug off, and I was taught in school that if you are doomed to drown, then don't take others with you. My life with Shahzaib was a dreamlike fantasy and too good to be true. I didn't dare to look at myself and see a person who would walk beside me in an equal manner. I didn't want to continue lying to myself.

'Hi,' I forced myself to smile when I walked towards the two men waiting for me. Jaan returned the smile like he always did, but Shahzaib's face was stone cold. He just glared, and rightfully so, something shifted in his eyes for a quick flash where for a brief second, he looked at me like he did before what happened yesterday, but suddenly it turned back to an icy stare.

'What are you doing here?' I asked Shahzaib, but he didn't reply. I expected that reaction but still asked anyway.

'I called him, thought it would be best for you to sort things out. You called me suddenly yesterday, so I called him to find out, but he isn't telling me anything. He said just he's leaving for Islamabad today....' Jaan started explaining, but I heard nothing after he told me Shahzaib was leaving me.

'You're leaving?' I asked Shahzaib directly again, and he finally tore his gaze from mine and looked elsewhere. Then I sneezed, and before I could reach for a napkin from my purse, Shahzaib pulled out a handkerchief from his pants pocket and gave it to me while Jaan just eyed us with speculations.

'Looks like Nida needs some help at the front, you two go to my office and talk' Jaan moved past us to go to the front desk, but I called after him.

'What about my duty?' I asked him.

'We'll talk about it later, office you two, now' He pointed his fingers at us to shoo us away. I didn't think Shahzaib would agree to talk privately with me, but he walked inside without saying anything further, and I followed him silently.

'Don't, leave it open' I was about to close the office door when we got inside, but Shahzaib stopped me. He didn't even like being near me anything. I did this to myself, so now I had no right to complain. He walked furthest away from me as possible while I stood close to the door to respect his space.

'We can talk outside if you like, or not talk at all. I know you don't want to be here,' I said quietly and leaned against the wall next to the door, so people walking by don't see us. He didn't respond to that, but he sat on Jaan's work desk and rested his hands against the edge of the desk so hard that his knuckles turned almost white.

'Close the door and come here' He finally looked at me and demanded.

'I thought you...' I began to speak, but he cut me off.

'Is your that bad that you do not understand what I am saying to you? Close.The.Door.And.Come.Here' He repeated himself. I stopped breathing. I listened to him and closed the door, and looked over my shoulder at Shahzaib.

He nodded in my direction to ask me to follow through with his next order. I had been closer to him before, much close, but something about walking towards him right now felt like an out-of-body experience.

I finally reached him, stopping a foot away from him and facing him on an eye-to-eye level. The feeling in my stomach got more intense.

'Give me your ring' He peered at me with a flat face.

'The ring you gave me?' I asked to confirm. He was really asking me for the ring back.

He simply nodded again with no expression.

I opened and closed my mouth, not knowing how to tell him that I can't, I won't give him that damn ring back under any condition.

'I don't have it,' I lied.

'Let me see your bag' He snacked the bag from my shoulder before I could stop him and started looking through my things.

'Stop it' I tried to take it away, but he didn't let go.

'Shahzaib, stop it...it's not here' I didn't want him to find it.

'Don't you trust me? I told you it's not here. Why don't you listen to me?' I yelled this time, and he finally stopped resisting. But instead, he did something worse. In a blink of an eye, he threw my bag on the ground and jerked me towards him until I was standing in between his legs with our faces just inches apart. All the cold expressions from earlier were replaced with rage and irritation.

'Trust you? You hurt me, Seher, the last thing I do is trust you right now' He started to yell, but then his voice got steady when he felt my skin under his hands and noticed my fever that started getting worse. My body started feeling weak, and my eyes began to get heavy. Before coming here, I took non-drowsy medicine, but it never worked on me. I closed my eyes for a second and tried to open them again to focus on him.

'Shit, you're burning Seher,' I heard him say first before I set my eyes on him again.

'I am fine,' I responded as he touched my forehead to check.

'I am fine' I took his hand and removed it from my forehead.

'You hate me, don't you?' I said to him while holding his hand.

'I don't hate you' He glanced away when he replied.

'I just didn't know a fighter girl like you would be just a coward lover,' He murmured in a deep voice.

'Lover?' I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer as the heaviness of the medicine took over me. I leaned against his chest.

'You're leaving?' I hummed. I felt his nod under my head. 

'Then go' I forced myself to push back from him, but he secured his arms around me and embraced me tightly again.

'You mean so much to me that even if you ask me to go, push me away, I will drag you back to me' I thought I imagined him saying that to me. His words, his belief, and his love were too good for me.

'I think I am going to puke' Were my last words before I crashed with the memory of his steady hands guiding me to the washroom.