To protect the ones you care for

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Y/N POV: I quickly ran to the nearest male restroom and thoroughly washed my hands, to think that I had actually touched something as intimate as someone's...eh...never mind. I feel like if I told my sister what I had accomplished in such a short while she would laugh and tease me to death. I shook off the uncomfortable and all too sudden encounter with Iruma and took a short walk around the academy, just enough to clear my head, quite honestly I had thought that I would never see the day where I would be so ready to end my own life out of pure loneliness, quite the anticlimactic ending for someone of the L/N family, huh? I walked through the halls of the Ultimate academy, why is it that the people that didn't deserve to die ended up dying? Perhaps it's because the good people in this world usually end up facing the most hardships and misfortunes, this was already proven with everyone so far and in the books, I read as a child, this killing game also isn't very fair, we are all killing each other senselessly, whether it be for your nation, or for your friends or even for your sister. Killing isn't good no matter what your reason shall be, saying that you killed him or her just for your own benefit isn't okay, though...I wonder when someone does draw the line for when it is okay to kill someone? Shall it be for self-defense or because the person was bad? I feel like the laws and rules of the outside world are quite unclear, in some circumstances, it is okay to kill someone if they tried to kill you first, however in others if you attack another for harming someone you know is considered a crime. 

Sometimes I wonder where I would be right now if I didn't agree to that one tutoring session with that girl, my guess is that I would've been a lot more happier and relaxed. I would've been so different, and maybe I would've been a lot less naive if someone was kind to me, maybe I wouldn't have let my guard down so easily just because I was with a friend, and maybe I would've been able to stay up to the late hours of the night, maybe...just maybe I wouldn't have fallen asleep in Kiyo's dorm, giving him the opportunity to kill Angie and later killing Tenko. Just maybe I...would've saved two lives without even knowing it. I become too attached to someone every time they show me any act of human decency and that to me is concerning, it just shows that I became so attached that I'll literally let them get away with murder. 

I looked at my surroundings, the Ultimate academy looks quite tranquil during these hours, I would've loved to go on a walk with Kiyo around here, knowing him he probably would've said yes, we were good friends after all. When Miu had asked me to go on a date...I would be lying if I said that I hadn't wished for him to ask me on one instead...friends go on dates too...right? At least I hope so, I don't think I would know, either way, I haven't had a friend that was as close to me as Kiyo, how come Himiko was able to push through Tenko and Angie's deaths so easily? I wish I was like the characters in the books I read, they were always so determined to be better and pushed through every hardship they faced, I may try to think like them but deep down I knew that if I ever were to lose someone close to me, I would continue thinking and mourning them till I died from loneliness, and I was right. I whine and cry about losing someone dear to me but then there's everyone else here that has pushed through everything in their way without a second thought. I am nothing compared to that, I wanted to stand next to everyone as we defeated Monokuma and the mastermind but now I am nothing more than just a sore on their ankle, something that they have to deal with till I go away, or in my case, die. It's a sad thought but it's true, using my own life is the only useful thing I can do now. Perhaps...I should head back to the dormitories now, in the morning I'll see what I can do about my plan, I have to start making progress otherwise I'll die before I can finally set it into action. I quickly made my way to the dormitories and once I had entered my room I set down the notebook and pen that I had put into my pocket earlier and quickly put on a change of clothes and after a few minutes of laying down on my bed I had quickly passed out. 

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I woke up with a sore wrist, did I sleep bad last night? It felt like I had broken a bone, but maybe that's a little over dramatic, I tried clenching my hand however I sharp pain coursed itself through my body, and the pain was strong but with how it feels now I'm sure that It'll be fine in the morning. However the pain in my wrist of all things is rather random, if I was going to get pain from sleeping I would've expected it to be my back or neck, but I guess this is just a little casualty compared to dying, I shouldn't worry about it. I got up from the comfort of my bed and quickly got into a new pair of clothes and put all of my essential items in my pocket and left my dorm. I wonder what today is going to be like, if it's anything like how I hope it'll be then today should be my last...that sounds rather depressing in my head, I wonder what it will sound like out loud. I felt my stomach begin to ache from the lack of food, I guess it would make sense that I'm hungry, I really don't want this to become a habit, I'm just going to have to force-feed myself if I cannot suck up a few bites, perhaps I should try something light...an apple will do. 

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