Chapter 20: The Letter

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The next few days passed in a blur. The whole day went by doing the new project that was assigned to me. I had no time to dwell upon what Dhruva has informed us. And to be honest, I was glad. Because how I would react was unpredictable.
 
As it was a Saturday today, I had a day off and finally got the time to relax. Which was very much needed after that tedious project. So I was ready for a relaxing day. However, that did not go as planned.
 
Thoughts kept invading my mind. Even though Dhruva had explained his side, something was holding me back from forgiving him. A sense of hurt and betrayal ran through me. Maybe very little, but it was there. I knew I should not feel that way but could not help it.
 
After a few unsuccessful attempts of diverting my mind, I finally gave up. My mind went back to the time Ved had asked Dhruva that question.
 
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Flashback:
 
“Would you have told us all this if Atharva hadn't slipped up?”

All of us held our breaths as we waited for Dhruva's answer. It sufficed to say that everyone has the same doubt, but they were too hesitant to ask. As we turned our gazes to Dhruva, we saw that he looked flabbergasted.

He replied as he came out of shock, “YES! I was going to. Believe me. It just happened sooner than expected. But trust me, I was not going to keep it from you guys anymore.”

We all accepted his reply, letting go of the topic. We stayed for a while to catch up with our lives till we had to leave. As we moved to leave, Dhruva stopped us.

“Guys, there is something I want to give you.”

With that, he distributed envelopes to each one of us. “The envelopes contain letters. The letters that I have written to each of you. When I was in therapy, my therapist advised me to write letters to you and pour my heart out. Trust me when I say this helped me a lot. I hope you guys read it.”
 
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I clutched the letters in my hand, deciding on whether or not I should read. But eventually, gave in to the curiosity. I took out the first letter and started reading.

There was a smile on my face when I saw how he had addressed me. The stupid nickname Dhruva had given me when we were little as he could not pronounce my name.
 
Meri pyari Yaya,

Hey Yaya!

How are you?

I know it has been a while since we last talked. What am I saying? I know exactly how many days, months, years it has been. Oh god, this is so awkward. It's been a while since I wrote to you. I have been trying for the past hour. But the words seem to escape me. You would find a heap of crushed paper balls in my dustbin right now. I don’t even know if I will give this to you. But my therapist told me that it would help. Therapist, who, you ask? Well, you should stick to finding out. Here goes nothing.

Can I just start by explaining what happened? Firstly, I am very, very sorry. I shouldn’t have left you waiting that day. Trust me, I was on my way to meet you. But the situation changed so suddenly that I couldn’t reach you. Atharva was in a massive accident. I was so scared, Yaya. It felt as if the walls were closing in on me. My parents were already at the hospital when I reached. He was in such a bad shape. Fractures, injuries, internal bleeding and whatnot. He was in a coma for a few months. Those days were the worst days for my parents as well as me. We all were so broken. Oh, yea! We shifted to Delhi for Atharva’s treatment. After a while, he started responding, and now he’s back to his usual self.

All of us were so happy when he recovered. But, all the stress had taken a toll on me. It was affecting me so much that I started therapy. The therapist has diagnosed me with mild depression. The first few sessions were pretty tough. It was extremely difficult to open up.

I wish you were here by my side. All of you. But I know that I am the one responsible for you guys not being here. The guilt was eating me up.I should have told you guys. Maybe I wouldn’t be in this place if I had.

You were always my anchor.

Anyway, I really have no explanation as to why I did not tell you. I know I must have worried you guys about my disappearance. I saw all the missed calls and messages that you guys left. And that made me even more guilty. My therapist seeing this, recommended that I write you letters. All of you. I am happy I did. But I don’t have the confidence to send it to you. Maybe one day. Maybe, you will forgive me.

Enough with the sappiness. I hope you, Uncle and Aunty are doing great. I know you must have graduated with distinction. You were always so intelligent. Do you know I started studying Law this year? You always said I loved fighting, so I thought, why not make money out of it. Maybe when I gather the courage to face you again, I will be Advocate Dhruva Gokhale.

Oh! Mom is calling me for dinner. I gotta go. I miss you so much. Just know that my feelings have not changed. And never will. I promise you one thing, I am not going to let you slip out of my fingers again. Never again. I promise I will get myself together and make everything right again.

See you soon, Yaya. Give Uncle and Aunty my love.

With love,
Your Dhruva.

My vision was blurred with tears as by the time I finished the letter. All you could hear were my quiet sobs in the middle of silence. I took the next letter and started reading. My rest of the day went in reading remaining letters. I was emotionally drained by night. And hence after a quick bite I retired to bed.

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Author's Note:
Hello guys!
Such an emotional chapter.
Stay tuned to find out what happens next.
Thanks for reading!
- Mitali

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