Oops a Daisy

Seventeen

Tony Pov

It was the following morning, (well I use that sentence quite loosely as it only a couple of hours later), I called my Mum because I needed to talk about the panic attack I had, (not that she could actually do anything about it when we were in London and she was in Manchester, but it did make me feel a bit better).

"Hello"
"Hey Mum"
"Tony Darling, are you ok?"
"(Voice wobble), No"
"What happened Darling?"
"Um, I woke up 3 O'clock this morning to my chest feeling tight and sore-"
"You had a panic attack?!"

Yeah, easing people into that information doesn't really work quite in the way that you'd think that it would, (as in that it doesn't work at all), though I guess that I shouldn't have been surprised about that as Mum just knew me really well, but it still kind of fucked up my whole easing into the panic attack thing, even if we both know it's not the healthiest way to cope with anxiety and shit.

"Yeah Mum, I did have a panic attack"
"Why didn't you call me?"
"You were probably asleep and I know that you struggle to sleep sometimes-"
"You are much more important than my sleep Antony!"

I felt bad that Mum was getting really worked up about it, (plus she used my full name, and nobody really uses my full name unless I'm fucked), but I also knew that if I didn't tell her at all, then that would make it worse for her, and I also knew that if it was Daisy in my shoes that I'd want to know about it, so there's that to think about here, (though I hope that Daisy doesn't have to go through any of the shit that I did).

"I also had Daisy in my arms Mum, it wasn't like my hands were free to grab the house phone"
"Did she sleep through it?"
"(Voice wobbles), No, she uh, well, she woke up and knew something was up, she was even worried about it"
"Oh Tony, do you want me to drive down?-"
"No no Mum, I'll be fine, I've got to go to work anyway-"
"You can't go to work in the state that you're in Tony"

Mum probably had a point, (not that realising this has made me feel any better about this), but I really didn't think that I could afford not to go to work, (as money had been a bit tight), and it was a routine that might've taken my mind off what had worried me in the first place, (though I guess that's not the healthiest way to cope with life here), (but life has not given me the healthiest coping mechanisms to cope with life here, so sue me).

"Mum I can't not go to work today-"
"They have supply teachers in for a reason Tony-"
"Yes but it's too short notice to not go in-"
"It's not a holiday Darling-"
"I know that Mum, but it's-"
"Still not a holiday, as this was not something that you could control happening, plus this is about your health, and if it makes you feel any better then keep Daisy off too, you'll feel like you've done something then Darling"
"Mum I'm fine to go to work today-"
"I will see you in about 4 hours Darling"
"Mum- for fuck's sake"

She hung up the phone before I could even get another word in, (because God forbid that I actually talked my way into going to work), and therefore making the decision for me to stay home for me, (because apparently I couldn't make that decision for myself), I was thankful that Daisy hadn't stirred yet, as she would've asked me why Nanny was coming, which would mean explaining about the panic attack thing, which would then confirm that she have to worry about me which she was too young to worry about me.

So because Mum basically decided that I wasn't going to work, I stayed in bed as there wasn't much point in getting ready for work, (yes, I, a 35 year old man still did what my Mum told me to do), though I wasn't too fussed about it at this point as I was so bloody tired, but I still couldn't sleep even with how tired I was.

I knew that I had to ring work, and also ring Daisy's school about Daisy not going in that day, but I also was not in the mood for talking on the phone, especially because of how I was feeling after the panic attack, but I still had to do it, as it would've been worse in the long run if I didn't ring, so there's that to think about here.