[✓] serendipity, yang jungwon

[022] ━━ yuri and jungwon repair their friendship (?)

real life

YURI'S always felt breathless around Jungwon. There was no explanation needed as to why she was breathless around the boy. Just by looking at him, you understood why Yuri's throat closed up, why her mind stopped working, and her heart faltered repetively. It was pause. And then a start. When Jungwon smiled, her heart paused. When he laughed, her heart began again. It was like Yuri was living through many different lives, each painted with a new streak of color that left Yuri eagerly waiting for what the next day would bring. Would it bring the color of Jungwon's smile? A bright yellow color, but it wasn't too harsh on the eye, but it was warm enough for Yuri to walk outside without a coat on. Would it bring the color of Jungwon's dimples? A baby pink color, but not like the basic baby pink color. A baby pink color that reminded Yuri of roses, and her pink blanket she always slept with when she was younger, a blanket that was there to soak up the tears she spilled at 3 AM in the morning.

      Yuri depended on Jungwon more than she would like to admit. He was a warm constant in Yuri's icy blue life. A life that reminded her of her faults anf failures, that reminded her of the hobby she fell out of love with. Jungwon and his stupid dimples, his stupid way with words that struck at Yuri's heart when she least expected it. Yuri misses the whispers he spoke to her in class, making fun of the teacher, or the students around them. Gossiping with Jungwon about Ha-Yoon and Seo-Yun. She misses the thrill she felt when Jungwon's knee touched hers.

      Yuri misses Jungwon. She misses him so fucking much her heart is blue. Blue with regret. Blue with coldness seeping into her skin, freezing the former ice-skater, permanently staining her blue because blue reminded Yuri of Jungwon. The warm blue that fills the sky on a warm summers day, or the comforting blue sky that comes out during Winter, reminding everyone that even during Winter, there will always be happiness, there will always be warmth and happiness. Jungwon's everything good in the world. He's the smell of freshly baked cookies, she's the laughter that spills out into the night during a sleepover, he's the warm hallway light that enters a kid's bedroom as their parents check on them. He's a sunflower yellow, a hot Summer's day blue.

      Jungwon is familiarity. He's home. He's safety. He's secure. He's dependable and reliable. He's everything a reckless Choi Yuri needs. Yuri needs someone like Yang Jungwon. She didn't know that until it was too late. Too late for Yuri to take back her feelings. Too late for Yuri to realize that, yes, it's okay to feel this way and, yes, its okay, it's okay to forgive Jungwon. He didn't mean it. Not like Saem. Not like her mother. It's okay to grieve over something you've lost, something you loved more than anything else in the world. Yuri's pretty sure all her feelings are invaild, but with Jungwon, he makes them so fucking valid.

      Beneath all the insecurity, all the fear, all the trauma, and ideas of what her future looks like; bleak, sorrowful, pain, boring, beneath it all, scratching its way from underneath a floor board at the bottom of a sunken and rotting ship, lies Yuri's true feelings. Her feelings she's been hiding for months. Feelings she's so desperate to push out and speak into the world, words that will make her existence worth living for. Words that will make her smile the same color as Jungwon's smile.