Love never dies

▪︎ 19 ▪︎

,,Beca!" I jolt upright, screaming Beca's name and find myself in cold sweat, waking up from the same dreadful nightmare. Every night I see the love of my life die, every damn night and there is nothing I can do to change those dreams.

My heart is pounding in my chest, almost getting stuck into a panic attack. My body is trembling as the sweat drips from my forehead onto my bed. I look at my alarm clock on my bedside table and see that it's 2:04 AM in the morning. Oh, my God! I will be so tired all day!

I turn on my bedside lamp and get out of bed. I walk up to Ryan's room, just to see if I woke him up, but when I open the door slowly, I see him still asleep. I smile at the person who makes me want to get up in the morning and close his door again.

I sigh, wipe my face and get back into my bedroom. I look around and feel myself tear up. Beca and I talked so much about New York and living here together. Not one of those plans did come true because Beca... I swallow, not even want to think into it more.

Emily was in here yesterday, helping me decorate my walls with pictures of myself with friends, from Ryan and of course from Beca and all the Bella's. She wanted to stay over, but I refused. Emily already helped me so much, I couldn't ask her to spend more time with me. She told me that she got a job at Republic Records, the same place that Beca applied to a month before we set foot on the Queen's Gambit.

I walk to my window and pull the curtains aside, while opening the window. This way cool breeze can flow through my room, sighing contently when the cold air collected the sweat of my face. I feel my T-shirt blow in the wind softly and it brings me some form of comfort.

I'm not surprised by getting nightmares because I get them quite often, but more when something is bothering me. Ever since the phone call yesterday from the police officer, my hopes in finding Beca's body is slightly back. There's a chance of 1 to 6 that they find her body on one of the other islands, it's a small one but still a chance.

After five good minutes of basking in the cool breeze, I shut my window and remove my T-shirt when I sit back in bed. It's soaked, like always and needed a change. I always have a spare T-shirt on my desk and so I grab the clean one. It's a T-shirt that belonged to Beca, but I don't care. I put the T-shirt over my head as I lay back down. Normally I would change my sheets since they're drenched but not today. I need some more sleep before waking up Ryan. I put my head on my pillow, close my eyes, and drift back to sleep.

After a few more hours of sleep, I feel better and ready to start this day. I walk up to Ryan's bedroom and softly nudge him awake.

,,Sweety, wake up. It's a new day." I tell him and he slowly opens his eyes.

,,You free?" He asks me and I nod.

,,Yes, sweety. Today is my day of, what do you want to do today?"

,,Park."

,,Okay, shall we invite someone?" His eyes lit up with joy.

,,Aunt Emily?!" He asks excitedly.

,,You really like her, huh sweety?" Ryan nods while rubbing his eyes. ,,Okay, I'll ask her if she wants to join us." A big smile appears on my son's face, what makes my day. Ryan sits up in his bed and put his tiny hands around my neck. I stand up, with him in my arms. ,,Before we meet Emily, we're going to take a shower and get you dressed." Ryan nods, while he lay down his head on my shoulder.

After the shower and getting Ryan dressed, I make sure that he eats enough and I even make myself a little bit more, remembering my conversation with Emily yesterday. I watch Ryan eating, while sending a message to Emily. Hey Em, do you have any plans today? It doesn't take long for her to reply. Not really, why?