Who Am I?

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I woke up at 11:30 in a cold sweat and Tony was gone. I’d had more nightmares about the man who tortured me. This time was of the period of time when he starved me. I reach under my bed for the bottles that I somehow knew were there and took the top off the first bottle. I started chugging it, feeling it burn in the back of my throat and liking it. Slowly becoming more and more intoxicated but it only made the flashes worse. 

“You know, I’m not one-hundred percent sure…” he growled, guiding a dull knife down my body to the desired point and giving a violent stab. “But don’t you go into starvation mode after a few days of not eating? What’s it been? A week and a half since I gave you those pieces of bread?”

I heard his accented voice clearly, I saw his blue eyes staring down at me, cold fingers touching my skin before he dug a knife into it. I didn’t want to see it so I closed my eyes tight, that didn’t work so I just started crying and let the flashbacks surround me. 

“What’s happening to me?!” I screamed, putting my head on my knees after taking another drink. When I lifted my head and looked around, my hands were dripping blood and whiskey. I’d broken the bottle. I looked at the digital clock above my door; 2:30.I slowly got up and started walking to my door, the only noises were my bare feet slapping the ground and my crying. I looked, first, to make sure he was still in there and when I saw him, I knocked. 

“Come in.” he said, not looking up from his work. 

“Bruce…”

“Oh my god, Sara.” he whispered when he saw me, walking over to where I stood just a few steps inside the lab. “What did you do?” he asked, holding my hands with the backs of them pressed to his palm so he could see.

“I don’t… I just wanted it to stop.” I whimpered. He guided me over to a bench on the wall of the lab and got down a first aid kit. He looked at me gently. 

“You wanted what to stop?” 

“I have so many flash backs and when I can get to sleep its all nightmares about what he did to me.” I told him, still crying. He looked me straight in my eyes and I looked back. His brown eyes were full of sorrow and concern and confusion. 

“I am so sorry that happened to you.” he took one of his hands from underneath mine and placed it gingerly on my cheek, pulling my head a little closer so he could kiss my forehead. 

“Bruce…”

“Yeah?” 

“Who was I? I mean, what was I like?” 

“You’re still you, Loki couldn’t change that.”

“Who then? Who am I? Because I have no clue.” I whimpered.

“You’re kind and caring and sweet and forgiving a-and understanding. You’re compassionate about everything you do and you’re so talented. The most brilliant woman I’ve ever met in my entire life and the biggest dork, too.” he told me, tears starting to gather in his eyes as well so he swallowed hard. “Shy and quiet and such a philanthropist. You love animals, I swear every single stray we saw you had to take it home and feed it. You’re scared of spiders, but you’d never let me kill them though, which I never understood.” he laughed a little, trying to make his tears go away but one falling instead. “You’re my wife and I love you.” he was quiet for a while because I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t say anything. “This is going to need stitches.” he said, breaking the silence. 

“I love you too.” I said as soon as he finished talking. He was getting out the thread for the stitches and the needle. He sat the things down on the bench and quickly kissed me, turning his head different ways and holding my face. When he sat back down in his spot I could tell he’d wanted to do that since I got back. He was quiet while he stitched up my hand other than apologizing when I winced. 

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