A different feeling

Chapter 17 Apologies

I woke up in my bed this morning with yesterday's clothes on and a throbbing migraine. Well, I guess Emily woke me up and said this

"Rye and Mike came yesterday. They lifted you up the stairs and put you to bed." 

"You looked weird Louis, kinda like a zombie." 

I sort of thought she was talking crap. All I remember is that I was drinking a couple of beers on the football field, got yelled at by the coach then you came. I can't remember anything between then and now so I guess what she said would make more sense than me majestically landing in my bed. 
But what I wanted to say was that I'm sorry.

The truth is,  seeing my dad last week hit me harder than I thought it would but not for the reason you might think. Its because it was like he came out of no where and suddenly he's expecting a new kid. A new family.  

I used to think that maybe when he came out of prison he'd be different. He'd come back to us and be the dad I knew for the first 13 years of my life. And he was different. But he had chosen a different family. That baby was going to be my half brother or sister and I had a chance to begin to let him back in my life because it seemed like he wanted to. But I didn't. I pushed him away. Maybe that was the best thing to do, considering the reason he was put in prison in the first place, but a small part of me wanted him back. I probably sound pathetic but I thought I’d tell you. If what Emily said was true, then that means you saw me completely wasted, and I never wanted you to see me like that. That's why I've been sort of keeping my distance, just until I sort myself out.  I was going to say this all to you in person but you weren't home. So I'm currently sat in my car writing this letter to you.

By the time you read this, I'll probably be at home, in the darkest room I can find, with an eye mask on and fast asleep because this hang over is kicking my ass. 
But if you want, you can call me and I'll definitely answer this time. 
Love from Lou.

I gave mum the garage keys then went back in the house up to my room. I sat at my desk and called Louis straight away. It rang three times before he picked up.

“Hi Lou.” 

“Hey Rye.” 

“I got your letter.” 

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked 

“I didn’t want to worry you.”

“I'm your girlfriend Lou! I’m meant to worry about you. And I’m meant to know what’s going on with you, especially if no one else does. We’re supposed to be there for each other. Relationships are not a one way street!”

“I know, I’m an idiot and I should have told you. Just... just don’t shout. My head..” he groaned.

“Yeah, you are an idiot.” I said.

“I'm just used to dealing with stuff on my own.” 

“And how’s that working out for you?”

“Pretty badly, as you can see. I mean look at me, I’m hung over, suspended from football after only a week and I had to be carried home by my best mate and my pregnant girlfriend. What does that say about the kind of boyfriend I am and the dad I’ll be?”

I couldn’t see him(obviously)because it was a phone call but, I looked down at my lock screen photo. It was a picture of Louis and I kissing in the hot tub on the night of my birthday. Then I looked at the giant brown bear sat on my desk staring right at me. Then the bracelet he gave me. I wore it all the time. Fiddling with it on my wrist. The promise charm.

“Rye? Are you still there?” he asked.