chapter 37 - the courage to unlearn all of the hatred

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[a/n: Hey y'all. I'm thinking that this book might end in a few more chapters maybe 5 or 6 more. I'm also running out of lyrics to use as titles lol. Hope you enjoy this chapter.]

Ricky had never met anyone like Nini. No one had ever made him feel so loved and wanted. He never understood what she saw in him, and looking at the object before him, he was perplexed as ever.

He'd finally opened the gift she got for him. It was a book. Inside were all of his work. Clippings from his high school days when he was in the photography club. The first photo he took for the university paper. She'd kept them all. She'd been keeping track of every tiny milestone he's had over the years in this book, and she'd even captioned them in her own handwriting. He couldn't fathom her love for him. She was proud of him. All this time she was proud of him. And as if there wasn't enough proof, she'd made sure to put it down in writing, Ricky's hands trembled as he read her perfect penmanship.

Dear Ricky,

Last might was supposed to be a celebration. This was supposed to be your anniversary gift. But I guess things didn't go as I planned.
We were both emotional last night, and I'm sorry for the things I said. I didn't mean it.
You're not a coward. You're the bravest person I know. Every time I look at you I can still see the beautiful boy who comforted me with a guitar, the one who taught me to be brave. You were born to be brave, remember? I know you Ricky, and I know you'd never walk away from something without reason. I'm sorry.

If you feel like I'm not proud of you, that's on me. Perhaps, I haven't shown you enough, or told you, but I am so, so proud of you, babe. For nine years I've had the privilege of watching you grow as a photographer and as a person. I hope that I get to continue to be the person standing beside you as you reach higher highs. I've always been proud of you, and I'm sorry if I've made you feel like you are anything short of amazing.

I love you and I want to be with you. I don't need you to be anyone else. I just want you. As always, I'm going to give you your space and respect your decision. But I haven't forgotten your promise. You told me you'll always come back to me, so I'll be waiting for you.

Every day I'll wait for you at the Bethesda Terrace between 5.30 and 6.30 pm. Just come whenever you're ready. I'll be there.

I love you, babe.
I hope to see you real soon.

Nini

It wasn't that she'd never shown or told him how proud she was of him. He just never believed her. He so desperately wanted to. He hated that he made her feel it was her fault. Thinking back on it, maybe she never did put him on a pedestal, maybe she truly believed that he was extraordinary. It was always he who didn't believe it. In this moment he genuinely wanted to believe every word in that letter. He wanted to see himself the way she saw him.

He ran his fingers through the pages of the book, and he thought of two people. Benjamin Maz and Ethan. (And obviously he thought of Nini, but that was a given since she was always on his mind). Ricky had an idea, but there was something he needed to do.
______________

"Congratulations to our new Editor, the one and only, Miss Nina Salazar-Roberts.." Doyle announced to the whole room. She did it. She finally got the position. She was proud of herself. It was small victories like this that took her mind off the one person she wanted to call.

"Thank you, Doyle. I have some very big shoes to fill, but I will do my best and I hope we can all work together and build something amazing this year." Everyone clapped and Nini saw her friends in the back cheering her on, and winked at them.

Her phone rang and it was her girl Ashlyn, she immediately stepped out of the room and picked up the phone. "Hey, Ash!"

"Hey, girl... Congrats on the promotion!" Ashlyn said as her face popped up on the screen. "Biggie sends his best too!"

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