The Story of Us (Fili/The Hobbit)

37. If I Die Young

*Fili's POV*

The cold air of Ravenhill was not a bother to me anymore, nor did I have a problem with it. I have grown used to it. As a matter of fact, I myself, am frozen. Frozen with a sense of devastation that I feel I would never be able to fully defrost from. Muted emotions are stirring in my heart and mind, and I know that when they surface, they will not be pleasant. A delicate flower, she was. A beautiful, kind-hearted rose to which was now covered in thorns. A summer flower that was left alone in winter. One that I failed to look after in danger and destruction, and caused her to slowly wither. We had won this accursed battle. However, I had lost. I had lost too much that nothing mattered anymore.

She laid completely still in my arms, her hair a messy wave that streamed down her shoulders. No sound. No movement. Nothing. Not even her heart was beating. She's not gone, I told myself. She can't be gone yet. I've witness too much today that I can't naturally react to anything anymore. The hole in my heart is already too deep for anything else. All I could do is cradle her fragile body in my arms. I mentally cursed myself for being so ignorant and stupid. How could I just let her go off like that? It's as if I was purposely letting her walk into her own death.

I heard the sound of footsteps solemnly walking towards my direction. I didn't bother to turn back, I wasn't in the mood for discussions.

"Is she...?" It was Bilbo. The concern the hobbit had for her lit a small spark of warmth in my heart.

I slowly nodded my head and kept my eyes downcast, looking at her peaceful features. It had blood, still fresh, smeared at the corner of her head. Her face had a light shade of dirt on it. Her hands had already grown cold.

I swore I saw Eleanor's body jerk slightly but I didn't give it much thought, possibly my mind playing tricks with me. But I was not mistaken.

She coughed harshly, sounding like it hurt her throat to do so. I froze on the spot.

She's alive.

I was utterly shocked. How could it be? Her heart was not beating? It's a miracle!

"She's...she's alive." Bilbo said, hearing a smile in his voice.

"Bilbo, call for Oin. Right now." I demanded.

I cradled her face in my hands, careful not to hurt her even more than she already was. A wave of relief washed over me, although she still hasn't opened her eyes. Eleanor was still awfully frail.

"Oh Eleanor, you're alive. You're alive." I whispered to her repeatedly. "But how? You're heart, it stopped!

"Don't worry, it's working now." She breathed, her voice sounding weak. I managed to let out a small chuckle. Even at the brink of death she can still put a smile on my face.
Just in time, Oin came and observed El's wounds. His face full of concentration as he inspected them. I began to feel a small sting of worry. He didn't look as joyful as I was.

"We must take her back to Erebor. She needs to be taken in the healing hall immediately." I did as he said. Carefully gathering her fragile body in my arms, I lifted her. She let out a small groan. I winced slightly, knowing I accidentally applied pressure to her shoulder wound. "Sorry." I whispered to her.

~*~

Finally we made it to the entrance of Erebor. The whole time I was painfully aware of Eleanor's seemingly lifeless body in my arms. Every so often I would tell her to not give up. To stay awake. I reminded myself various of times that she is back and she will be taken care of as soon as we enter those halls. The sun shone out of the clouds, brighter than ever. It gave me a sense of hope as I walked in the mountain, with the others quickly following behind.