Brielle

forty

GRAYSON

*trigger warnings, please read at your own risk*

I don't knock when I reach my childhood home, I probably should do, incase my mum's fucking some guy on the sofa when I walk in.

But the odds she's actually awake is very low, I'm guessing she's passed out on the sofa or somewhere on the floor. Surrounded by drugs, bottles of empty alcohol.

A reminder of my childhood, something I hate to come back to. But I have no choice.

I'm giving Brielle space, she needs it, I think. We haven't talked since we had the semi-fight in the kitchen. Nor really seen each other, she never left her bedroom if I was out in the living room, kitchen. And when I went in my room, that was the only time she went out.

People would go in and out of her room, including Leo, who reminded me he wants nothing to do with her romantically. And that they were only friends.

Ben would deliver her food, but it would come out barely touched. I wanted to go in there and beg her to eat, even when we were broken up. But I didn't, she didn't want to see me so I granted her wish.

And moved back in with my mum.

I know I could have gone to a motel or something, but here's the only place I won't have to pay every week. And seeming as most things are going up in prices, I decided buying food, toiletries, clothes and paying expensive rent is not for me right now.

I don't have a job, the only source of income is the small amount of money my dad sends me every week.

But that's not enough to pay for everything I would need if I stayed in a motel. Definitely not enough.

I know I could ask my dad for a place to live, but he'd probably try convince me to move out to New York with him. If I wasn't still madly in love with Brielle and hoping for the day she wakes up and changes her mind, I would have moved out there.

But I'm holding onto the last piece of hope I have for our relationship.

That she changes her mind.

School starts tomorrow, and I'm not ready at all. Because going back means I have to see Bee, face her in most of my lessons. And doing that will only cause me more pain.

I realise I've been stood outside my front door for a while now, and the neighbours probably thinks I'm a thieve planning on stealing something from the house.

I doubt they care, if they're still the same neighbours from when I lived here, they all hated my mum. Offered to take me and Sofia in and look after us.

I'm stupid for not doing that.

Because maybe she would have been alive right now. Just maybe.

Maybe everything would have been better, Sof would have met Bee. They would have loved each other, and selfishly maybe Bee would have stayed with me if my past wasn't so overwhelming and sad.

She probably hates the fact that her mother-in- law would have killed her only little sister if we ever got married. She may have been scared Lucia would do the same to her.