We Cannot Be

○ ● C H A P T E R 3 2 ○ ●

The next morning, I found myself laying on the beach, with a bottle of tequila; nursing me.

My eyes felt heavy, I had barley gotten any sleep last night.

Even I wasn’t enough for myself.

There was only one who could fulfill my desires and he, was in fact out of the picture.

Or so I hoped for.

I reached for my bra, and pulled out the small bag, which I had saved for such occasion as, I was in today.

I dug my pinky finger, into the bag and collected the white powder upon my nail.

I placed it to my nose and took it up. And then repeated this action another four times.

I laid back down, letting the sun rest on my face.

The cocaine starting to flow through my veins, I slowly felt myself, loose it. My conscience fading in and out.

I stood up and grabbed my tequila, making sure, I wouldn’t leave it behind.

I wobbled my way back into the room, making sure to avoid any type of confrontation.

As, I dressed myself I felt the world spinning, and by the time I was ready, it was dark outside.

I couldn’t even work out how long it had taken me to get ready, I didn’t even want to know, anything of too much thought just flew away.

I walked out into the car I’d hired and drove to the nearest club.

How I even managed to get their in one piece, surprised me.

I ended up, at out door club and I heard the music calling me.

At this point, I couldn’t even think straight, I wobbled my way in and immediately got lost in the crowd.

So many faces, so many people.

Non of them knew me, I could be whoever the fuck I wanted to be.

Maybe I could be free, even if it was short lived.

I turned around to find a beautiful stranger looking back at me, his eyes twinkling with all the happiness he held.

He was free and he had everything I ever wanted.

Normality.

I gazed into his eyes, wishing to get hypnotized in them; the same way I did with Xzavier’s.

But it wouldn’t work, I brushed off my disappointment and smiled at him, the most innocent face I could pull off.

I would be someone different.

He leaned into me as I swayed side to side, in sync with the music.

His lips came to my ear and he whispered,

“You are one of the most stunning girls, I have ever laid my eyes on.”

My eyes grew wide, and I blushed.

If I was me, I would have already been on top of him, but tonight I wasn’t me.

He looked into my eyes, and I couldn’t bring myself to look away.

“How high are you?”

He laughed and then I giggled,

“Not high enough.”

I raised my arms and placed them in the air, then I turned, feeling his brush up behind me.

He placed his palms upon my hips, pulling me so close, that I could feel his hardened member.

I smiled to myself and then twisted out his grip.

I stood before him and look in his eyes, never looking away.

I moved my body, letting the music carry me away.

He stood, frozen.

Watching me in awe, as if I was some angel who’s wings had been broken off.

I walked up to him and place my arms upon his shoulders, and then leaned in.

My lips lightly brushed his and then I dragged my finger, upon his lips.

I turned away, and lost myself in the crowd again.

However, seconds later I felt a firm grip upon my wrist.

I was spun into him and he cupped my face.

Instantly connecting us.

His lips harshly met mine and I  felt euphoric, he was better than any drug and I was getting lost in it.

His tongue, begging for permission to be let in, and I opened letting him explore.

Then I tried fighting for dominance but he took all the control.

And eventually he released me, we were both flushed.

I turned and walked out, hoping he would follow along.

I stood against the wall, and leaned my head back.

Trying to compose myself, but everything was feeling more like jelly.

Was I even real?

My brain was clouded and I couldn’t see straight.

I pulled a cigarette from my clutch and place it between my lips, unlit.

Then the man came before me, he held a lighter to the end of my lips and lit the cigarette for me.

I took a long drag and slowly, lowered myself onto the ground.

He sat beside me and lit his own.

I watched the smoke fill the air around us, he turned and gave me pill.

At this point, I was way to gone to be able to coordinate a thought so, I instantly dry swallowed the pill and once my cig was finished I felt the effects flowing through my veins.

I stood up and grabbed him by the hand. “Come with me.” I said giggling.