Namjoon's Chance • KNJ

Nine

You laid on your back in your bed, warm fluffy cover pulled up against your chin. You'd woken up to your alarm a while ago but you weren't ready to face the day. Warm orange sunrise barreled through the slits of the curtain giving the impression of a beautiful day outside. You knew that was a lie.

It had been eleven months since Jackson promised you he'd start treatment. He'd kept that promise, and with the help of Team Wang, Jay B, Mark, Joon, Hobi, Yoongi and countless others he'd been able to keep it in four weeks instead of six.

They stuck to his schedule letting him have time with you, but every other second the studio was flooded with people making his last album come to life. Yoongi was relentlessly by Jackson's side more than anyone, pushing him to do his best work. The amount of people that came running when Jackson needed them was astounding.

No one was going to get famous from this album. There weren't going to be future collabs or remixes. This was a work of love from all the people who had been in Jackson's life. The album was safely in Team Wang's possession with the strict instructions that it not be released until Jackson was ready. Everyone knew what he wanted, but no one dared to say it out loud.

Surgery had gone better than expected, reducing the size of the tumor by almost seventy percent. It had come at a cost, Jackson had trouble walking, his left leg sluggishly stubborn. The worst part of recovery had been his memory, sometimes he couldn't figure out words, or he'd forget the names for things. You were glad he'd waited, had that been the outcome with immediate surgery Jackson couldn't have finished.

Two weeks after surgery he'd started his first round of radiation. It made him exhausted and for weeks he'd spent most of his time in bed. You were by his side, only stepping away when other visitors, his parents, friends, family members showed up.

Chemotherapy came next, along with exhaustion came worse side effects, nausea, weight loss, hair loss, pain. During these sessions Jackson became less sure that he wanted to keep pursuing treatments.

All these months later he'd gone through three rounds of each. At month seven he'd been too sick to stay at home, ending up in the hospital, needing round the clock care. Sometimes he wasn't like himself at all, the cancer in his brain fighting back with the fortitude beyond your worst nightmares.

You contacted experts and gotten second opinions, tried experimental treatments. Jackson had allowed every single crazy idea that clinicians suggested to be done. None of it had shown any promise or reduced the rapid growth.

By month nine Jackson was done, he didn't want to keep going, no amount of pleading or reasoning worked. Dr Han and her team agreed the treatments weren't working as intended. The crushing realization that everything he'd been through, everything they'd tried had been for nothing weighed on you.

You woke up alone every morning like this, with no hope, just waiting for your husband to die. You held back a sob and wrapped around his pillow, your thoughts were no longer optimistic. You couldn't even lie to yourself anymore. Even though you were surrounded by friends and family these were the moments you realized no one could make you feel better. One day you were going to wake up and he was going to be gone for real, not just from your bed.

You'd left the hospital early yesterday, which wasn't normal. There was a very strict schedule, and everyone played their part. There were hours you were there, his mother, his father, his brother, his manager's. Hours for visitors, although at this point he accepted very few, usually only Joon and Jessi.

But yesterday you'd argued with his mother and the worst part, it had happened in front of Jackson. He was weak and sick, no one did anything that might make him feel worse. Those conversations were away from his room, in the hallways, the cafe, never with him.