Late Bloomer

Part 9: Your Voice

Taking up the role as the engineering head hazer, the alpha didn't initially realize how heavy was the weight that this would dawn upon him. He was constantly on his toes. The tasks and responsibilities were always popping up left and right. Coursework was getting more complex, and the lectures were all extensive. Plus, with his already loaded schedule, the need to adjust to everyone's availability was becoming such a strenuous task when group works were always the asks. The whole academic year, he felt like he was running a marathon with no room left to breathe while keeping up this face of the immovable and headstrong leader. Yet even if he was so busy with his university life, due to an unsuspecting turn of events, this year had still led him to something beautiful. Something irreplicable, one of a kind, and constantly filling up his mind. Something that had been his energy booster when he was feeling low. Something that had fueled him to be the better version of himself. Or better yet, why not just outright say that something was really a someone. And that someone has been his battery, especially when a student's third year is always the busiest year with all the extra-curricular activities and academic load.

But meeting that someone was never in Arthit's plan. And honestly, even being a hazer wasn't either. Yet, here he was. At first, all he wanted to do was get into engineering, graduate with honors, and grow their business. That was his goal. That was his full-proof, easy-to-follow, three-step plan. And he had always stuck to that plan. No detours. Not to mention that he wasn't the one to get sidetracked easily either. He was so focused on it that even his blooming personal life had taken a backseat. And of course, he couldn't blame it on anyone else but himself.

Another added load to him was that the third-years also had to prepare the requirements for their mandatory internship. The head hazer had refused to intern in his family's company even if he had greatly encouraged his friends to do so. Aside from not wanting any special treatment, he also wanted to experience outside of what he already knew. And with him already knowing his family's business his whole life, he wanted to take this opportunity and have an in-depth look at how others operate. 

However, his father wasn't entirely pleased with his decision. Even as early as now, they needed more people, even interns, for the extra hand. They lacked the manpower with their continuous rising, and they needed someone they could trust. This had led Arthit to volunteer, giving the very little free time he has to his family. He didn't mind, well, on normal circumstances, he really didn't mind. But on top of his responsibilities as a student, this had also been added to his plate. And it was greatly taking a toll on him. He was working on autopilot for the past few weeks because of this, and he seriously felt like he was on zombie mode.

He was numb, robotic, and living off on pink milk. He felt totally burned out. And call him a martyr, but in his head, he kept repeating that 'this too shall pass' and pushed on. So yes, it was because of his tremendous load and lack of sleep. But partly, it was also because of something else that has been absent in his life for the past weeks. The voice that was always telling him to take a break and take care of himself was gone. The voice that was always reminding him to eat and take it easy had suddenly disappeared. The voice that has been his joy, reason, and light as of late has been missing. Stopped just like that without any warning. And he missed it. He longed for it, especially with the weeks that he had been having. Yet he did nothing about it. Because picking up his phone and sending a quick text was becoming a strenuous task. There were times he would just blankly stare at his phone, thinking if he should start the conversation for a change but discarded the thought instantly. He knew he wouldn't put his phone down if he did. And when he was finally done with his work for the day, it was already too late (or too early) to make a quick phone call. This had led him to more frustrations and then ended up just passing out on top of his mattress right before his alarm would be blaring again after three hours. And so, he had made excuses inside his head. Too busy. Later. That's what he always said. But he also promised himself that he'll finally talk to his someone after this shit storm was over. Just a little more patience, Arthit.