Beautiful Disasters [complete]

They Asked Why I Was Happy All The Time

They Asked Why I Was Happy All The Time
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It seemed like by each day passed, I was getting more and more depressed. Feeling more empty than the previous day. Depression was slowly killing me, branding my soul with a smile. And it was getting harder to fight off the urge to die. After all, it sickened me how we all died in the end and I wanted to die this early.

Maybe this was how it is meant to be. Death always seemed to dance around you like the devil and honestly, he always won in the end. The blackness in my life was a gap, a hole. Something I'll never cover up because it is a permanent mark that will always be there.

And it's fine because I am fine with the blackness.

"Miss Lincoln, please play attention," my math teacher said as he glared at me. I nodded and stared at the white board with absolute no understanding. It seemed like a bunch of number mess so I played along with what was written on the board and tried to understand the numbers.

I looked around when the teacher wasn't looking to see Sebastian sitting at the front. I frowned, this was so unlike him. He usually hangs at the back without anyone around him but I guess today wasn't like him.

"Good job, Mr. Lexus. I'm highly impressed with your flying marks," Mr. Edwards said, peering over at Sebastian's book. Number two. Flying marks. This was getting more unusual by second but I wasn't in a rush to end it.

After that, the rest of the class carried on with a drag. He handed us some worksheets and assigned us to finish it by the end of the week. I sighed but vowed to myself to pay attention the next class.

Eventually, the bell rang and I partially jumped out of my seat to race out of this class but a hand stopped me from doing so. Even without looking to see who it was, I already knew that it was Sebastian.

"I'll be over at five." He whispered into my ear and then left, leaving me with the smell of his cologne. Foresty. Manly. Perfect.

Before the left the room, a smirk danced on his lip as he looked at me before walking out, leaving me with numerous questions.

∞

Lunch time came by and I found myself once again, sitting by myself. It wasn't anything unusual but still, the loneliness was getting to me. With my parents being gone, I generally had no one to talk to. Sebastian wasn't an option because he's... Sebastian and I didn't know anyone else.

I got up to buy a drink and when I was walking to get my drink, someone struck their foot out and I fell, my head bouncing off the cold and hard floor. Pain was all I could feel. Pain was all I could think of.

Laughter everywhere. My mind was so disorientated at this point and anything I tried to do wasn't working out. With everything I got, I pushed myself up and ignored the anger, sadness and any other emotion. Once again, I got up and started walking carefully to the counter with an clenched jaw. I was so pissed but I couldn't find it in me to do anything.

Because I was pathetic, a waste of space.

Then it happened a second time. Down I fell and this time, it hurt like a bitch. And I wasn't going to hold it back but when I tried to get up, Tasha grabbed me and pulled her face to mine. Fresh bruises lined her face and I was pretty proud of my mark.

"I want payback," she sneered as she punched me with her metal rings on. My face flew to the other side as she dropped me to the ground, leaving me coughing up some blood.

"Do it girls," she said and then the lunch room turned to utter hell. Everything slowed down and it quieted down.

"Please stop," my sobbing voice pleaded but my voice was unheard by him. He continued with his act of sin by pressing me impossibly harder against the wall. His hands were getting worked on my jeans and then the panic started to control me. I started trashing around, desperately looking for a way to get out of this.

He grunted as he shoved me against the wall and lowered his lips to my ear.

"Stop trashing around, I know you want this babe," he growled as I closed my eyes in fear, tears falling.

"I-I don't," I whispered as I kicked him and he let me go, moaning. I took this as my chance to get away and I managed to get away by three feet before he grabbed me by my hair and shoved my head against the wall, my head bouncing off the bricks.

Red crimson blood was on my hand as I touched the spot that was hurting the most. It was bleeding heavily and it looked like I had to make another excuse for the hospital later if I ever made this one out alive.

He lowered himself to my level as his breath fanned my face.

"This was your mistake, Chanel." He said before he passed out, leaving me out all alone.

I was crying as I ran out of the room. How could she do this? How can she go this far? How did she manage to make every single fucking teacher turn their heads from this? How did she get a projector here? How? How!

Everyone was staring at me with disgust as they spat their words out at me.

"Slut."

"Whore."

"Fucking disgusting."

"Go die," Tasha sneered and her voice was the loudest, ringing repeatedly in my ears.

I gave her one last look before I dashed out of the school and jumped straight into my car. I turned on the engine and drove out of the parking lot, driving right away with an intense speed. Couple of tears drop fell on the steering wheel as I sobbed silently, my vision blurring. I pulled over and cried and cried. Crying because I held it in for so long.

I guess I was driving to nowhere on this black day. And I wasn't going to care how I ended the day because I'm too fucking tired to care.

How can she knock it all down so easily when all I have been doing is building it up?

Anger as bubbling up inside of me. I was so angry... Pissed. My blood was boiling and everything that was building inside of me was fierce.

Why? Why? Why me?

Eventually I had to pull over because it wasn't safe to be driving while crying and I sobbed on the steering wheel as the dreaded night's memories attack me with a wickness.

I have never been able to understand how he was capable of doing something so evil and against my will. Ever since that day, I never gone to a party with an guy ever again and hoesntly, it was the worst mistake I ever done.

"This was your mistake, Chanel," I whispered to myself as I closed my eyes, letting the tears roll down my cheek.

I got out and opened the trunk, getting the bag with the only thing to escape from reality. I walk to the deserted area and sat down, uncapping the Vodka bottle and started to chug it down until half way. I hiccuped as I put down the bottle and lit up a cigarette, inhaling.

Peace is found at your dangerous haven.

Leaning down, I laid down and closed my eyes, exhaling.

Inhale, exhale and you'll get through life, Chanel.