Beautiful Disasters [complete]

They Said I Was Begging For Attention

They Said I Was Begging For Attention
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This is a continuation of the previous chapter.

Also this chapter is dedicated to the lovely writinggal01 . She does amazing covers and actually does it within minutes! Check out her books as well! Thank you so much.
She's the one who did the new cover.

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He was the type of boy to make your heart race without even trying. Sebastian was the type to comfort you with just him looking at you in the eyes. He was the type to make you feel good with just a small intake of breath.

He didn't act like it but he was a caring person. He didn't realize it but he was a comforting person to be around.

Everyone has mistaken him as the bad boy, the boy who beats people up for fun but he's the opposite. He hates to see people suffer. He's given the wrong label. He was branded a name he's not.

He doesn't deserve it and the way he acted last night gave me a totally different perspective on him. After a hour of crying about Chase and mourning over my life, I laid my head on his chest unknowingly. I remember telling myself to just do it, just this once.

I hate to admit this but even if all I smelt was his cologne, even if all I felt was his hard chest and the delicate organ beating inside, even if it wasn't supposed to happen, it was the most safest and calm I have felt in weeks, months even. He made me feel safe from Chase, from Tasha, from everything.

I'm slowly opening up to him, longing to tell him things I've never told anyone before. But I contain myself, I hold back because I got no reason to tell him.

It's hard to not just scream it all out loud, it's hard to pretend in front of my parents that everything is good because it's not and its hard, the façade of being the emotionless girl is difficult. It's fucking tiring. It takes a toll and manipulate you and your mind. It's hard being someone you're not. It's hard putting on an act.

***

My mother called and told me to get home. I gathered my stuff and started to get ready to leave. He walked me to the door, smiled sadly and then moved to open the door but I couldn't help but put my foot in front of the door to block him from closing the door and captured his lips with mine. Just the way his hair was polished under the light, the way his eyes sparkled, quickened my breath and made me melt as our lips bonded and moulded together. We kissed softly, everything in sync, and within that moment I felt like I was able to breathe again. I moved my hand to comb it through his raven hair and he snaked his arm around my waist. The more time passed, the more hungry we became for each other. We wanted more, I wanted more. I pulled back, slowly opening my eyes to meet his, the blue orbs that reminded me of the crashing blue waves and started at his nose. The outline of small fragile freckles across his nose, the highly defined cheekbones, the perfect curve of his upper lip. He was gorgeous, he was a masterpiece. Then he wrapped his fingers around my chin gently and leaned in. He ever so slowly, inched towards my lips and claimed my lips as his. I wanted more, I wanted to just stand here for hours and just be within his intoxicating touch. I felt alright with him. I felt at peace around him.

My world came crashing down when he leaned back, biting my lip in the process. He stepped back while staring at me intensely. He stood with a concealed face, like what happened didn't mean anything to him. A blow to the stomach. It kind of hurts, because when we kissed I felt like the waves inside calmed. Biting my lip, I waved and then slowly walked away, tears pooling in my eyes. I didn't know why I was crying, the person I was last week would have never done this, yet alone cry because of a boy. He was a boy. A special boy. A beautiful boy.

It was so sad to seem him act the way he just did. Where did I mess up? Was it too early? Up until not even twenty minutes ago, he was caring and assuring me he'll help bring Chase down. What changed? Did he feel like he opened up too much? My head is swarmed with questions and what-ifs. I breathed in and out, trying to collect myself as I walked down his driveway. That's when I remembered my car was in the parking lot of the diner and that was already an hour walk. Inwardly I screamed as I wiped away the tears swiftly and turned around.

"I need a ride." I muttered, crossing my arms to hide the stupid hole with the missing button.

He nodded and grabbed his keys, then locked the door. He walked past me, opening the car door. He didn't even do it for me, which was fine. Right now, I wanted nothing than for the floor to swallow me whole. He started the engine and we drove off to the diner. I stared out the window, not knowing what to do. It was way too early. Just got caught up in the moment. I bit my lip. I fucked up. Big time. Of course he was going to be awkward about it. It's Sebastian.

"It meant nothing." I spoke in a clipped tone, trying to not let my emotions sweep into the sentence. It was a lie, to me it meant something. But it would be best to just put it in a box and bury that box. It's just meant to be a distant memory. It was just a kiss, and that's all it'll ever be.

"Yeah, it meant nothing." He agreed with what seemed like frustration and disappointment. To me, he seemed to emphasize on the "nothing" part. I was curious to see what he meant by it.

"What?"

"You're right. It meant absolutely nothing! I mean, God, two people just kiss for fun. Two people just kiss and pour emotions for nothing! Strange, right?" He shot back in a sarcastic tone. I was taken back.

"Look—"

"No you're right. You're right."

I sighed and shook my head. "I'm not playing here Sebastian. I didn't say that to get under your skin."

He looked at me, his jaw clenching.

"Are you sure, Chanel?! Are you sure that was your only intention?" He hissed. He was pissed off, wasn't hard to tell.

"But you're the one who's acting like it was a mistake! I'm saying it meant nothing so that we can put it behind us! You got to understand that we have other things to concentrate on!" I exclaimed and he calmed down a little but he was still mad and I was hurt, it's a lie and I would be lying if I said I didn't think he was attractive and that I didn't have the slightest amount of feelings for him but I'm just scared. I'm just so scared that he is going to be like Chase.

"I can't do this... Not after Chase, I'm sorry." I whispered, looking out the window. I don't want to see his face, I'm way too embarrassed for that.

"I'm not Chase, if that helps."

"Sebastian I—"

"I know, I get it."

Turning over to face him, I suddenly wished I didn't. He doesn't deserve it and if I just held myself back he wouldn't have to deal with me and my idiotic ways. He got the right idea and I'm not ready for a relationship, but God help me all I want is him. It's too early but I'm feeling myself lean more and more towards him. My face goes red because of him, my hands start to sweat because of him, my heart races because of him. Only him.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, "it's not fair for you."

He sighed and turned to face me with a half smile.

"Sorry for what?"

I hid my smile as I knew things were going to be alright.