Last Hope - (Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor)

LOCKED

TW : Anxiety, Panic Attack, Self-Harm, Mention of Abuse

Sarah POV :

I took deep breathes until Holland and I came to Lizzie's bedroom. The door was open but Lizzie was no where to be seen. I noticed that the bathroom's door was closed so I softly knocked.

"Lizzie ? Are you here ?" And I immediately heard heavy breathes coming from the bathroom. I tried to open it but it was locked.

"Lizzie ?" I repeated, but she wasn't answering.

At the same time, Holland was looking around her room.

"Where is her notebook darling ?" She asked me calmly, as I was loosing my temper.

"I- I don't know. I put it on the bed. It isn't here anymore. Look into the nightstand and if it's not here, she must have taken it with her in the bathroom." I turned to face the bathroom door again, and I could hear Lizzie's breathing getting even more irregular.

"Honey are you okay in here ? Please open the door, we just want to make sure that you're okay." I tried to sound calm and gentle, even if I was panicking inside. I suddenly remembered what I had read on her notebook, about her killing herself by taking pills. I started to violently hit the door.

"Lizzie ! LIZZIE ! Open the door now !!" I screamed as I was totally panicking by now. Holland came fast next to me and sat me on the edge of Lizzie's bed.

"Calm down, no need to yell at her. She needs to be reassured now." And with that, she turned towards the bathroom door.

"Lizzie, sweetheart, it's Holland. Can you please open the door so we can make sure that you're okay ? We're not mad at you, with have no reason to be, we just want to make sure that you're fine so please, can you open the door for me ?"

Holland voice was so gentle and soft, it made me calm down a bit, so I stood up and went close to the door, with Holland.

Lizzie POV :

I was totally freaking out. Sarah seemed so mad, she was screaming at me but Holland was calm. I was wondering why they seemed so upset, but calm at the same time. It scared me even more. It made me remember one of my foster family who locked me in a room and they lost the key so they were drumming at the door, but I couldn't get out. When they finally found the key, the were so mad at me for no reason, so they hit me until I was a bleeding mess.

And I didn't know if Sarah and Holland were going to do that to me, so I prefered not open the door for now. But I couldn't explain that to them because I was gasping for air. I wasn't breathing properly for few minutes now and I was starting to feel dizzy. I let myself slowly fall to the floor, my back resting on the bathtub. I wasn't trying to stop the bleeding of my wrists anymore because I was so weak to do it.

"Lizzie, please." Said Sarah from the other side of the door, with a desperate tone.

"If you don't open the door now, we'll force the lock because we really want to make sure that you're fine honey. So please, open the door, now."

Her voice was stern but soft at the same time and I know she was trying to sound nice, even if she must have been really, really angry.

I tried to drag myself to the door but I was too weak. So I waited. I waited few minutes until I heard both of them struggling to open the door, but suddenly, the lock cracked open. They entered the room, and Holland froze at the sight of me.

I was laying on the bathroom floor, my back resting weakly on the bathtub. My wrists were bleeding quite a lot and I wasn't breathing normally. I was trying to catch some air in my lungs but it wasn't working, so it was making me panicking even more.

Sarah was now the calmest and she asked Holland to grab some towels for my arms. Holland went out of the bathroom and Sarah crouched in front of me, with a sad and concerned expression on her face. She tried to put me on her lap like the last time I had a panic attack, but I pushed her.

"Okay, I won't touch you sweetie. But please, breathe. Look at me, try to mimic my breathing. In... and out... Good girl, keep going. In... and out... You're doing great baby girl."

She was right, my breathing was far less heavy and my vision was clearer.

Holland came back and handed the towels to Sarah who just nodded to thank her lover.

"Okay. Now can I touch you ?" She asked but I didn't move. "Lizzie, look at me."

I raised my eyes to meet hers. Her deep, brown eyes. It was so reassuring, even if I knew how mad she must have been.

"I need to stop the bleeding on your wrists. Can I touch your arms ? Only your arms."

Was she trying to be nice ? To help me ? She seemed like she was, so I lifted both of my arms and she quickly but still softly wrapped them in the towels.

"Good." She sighed.

Now that the most serious things were under control, she hardest part, the talk was coming.