Last Hope - (Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor)

PTSD

TW : PTSD, Rape, Panic

Lizzie POV :

Dr Grey came closer to me, and two female nurses accompanied her. She sat in front of my bed and looked at me.

"Okay Lizzie. I know it's not going to be an easy and comfortable moment, but I want you to feel as relaxed as you can. I'll try to be quick and then it'll be all over. If at any moment you want me to stop, or if you feel pain, discomfort or anything, just tell me. Alright ?"

I whispered a little 'Yes'. And the doctor asked me to put my legs in stirrups. The nurses helped me and Dr Grey warned me that she was going to pulled up the cover that was hiding my crotch, and my bleeding. I put my head on the pillow and cried. Quietly, but a lot. I wasn't sobbing at all, it was just warm tears falling on the pillow around my bruised face.

I felt the cold air hitting my thighs so I had the reflex to close them.

"I need you to open your legs for me sweetheart." Asked gently the doctor, so I did.

Sarah could feel my discomfort so she held my hand the whole time and stroke my hair with her free hand, eventually wiping few tears on my blue and purple cheeks.

"I'm going to start." Said the doctor and I felt something cold on my intimate part. I was startled by the odd sensation so I jumped a little but Dr Grey explained that she was just removing the blood and cleaning me up.

"Okay, now I'm going to insert a speculum to check any internal injuries. "Remember, you can ask me to stop whenever you need."

I nodded and took a deep breathe when I felt something going inside me. It reminded me of the penetration during the rape and I cried harder.

"Are you okay ?" Asked the doctor, raising her eyes to meet mine.

I nodded again and she kept examining me. It lasted a very long time. Too long. I felt more and more discomfort as the minutes were passing and I was squeezing Sarah's hand tighter. Suddenly, I let go a little scream because it was too much for me.

"It's nearly over Lizzie, just take few deep breathes for me and it'll be over."

I did as I was told but I couldn't hold it anymore.

I whispered. "Please stop." But no one seemed to hear me, so I whispered a little louder. "Please, stop".

Everyone looked at me with a questioning look.

"What did you say sweetie ?" Demanded Sarah, but the anxiety was getting to it maximum and I exploded.

"STOP ! PLEASE GET OUT FROM ME PLEEEEAAASE !! STOP STOP !" I screamed, moving uncontrollably.

Dr Grey immediately removed her tool to avoid hurting me as I was fussing a lot.

"It's over baby girl, it's over..." Said Sarah pulling me in a hug, not remembering I asked her not to call me baby, because it reminded me of my rapist. The situation brought me back to the assault and all I could see was the black park and the guy, taking off his pants and my clothes.

Sarah POV :

"PLEEEAAAASE GET AWAY ! LET ME GO PLEASE" Lizzie was screaming on the top of her lungs. She was shaking and I didn't understand what suddenly brought her in that state.

"Shhhhh Lizzie you're okay, no one is touching you now, you're okay." I said trying to comfort her, but she kept her eyes closed.

"NOOOO GET AWAY FROM ME ! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME ! STOOOP YOU'RE HURTING ME !"

Meredith looked at me, trying to figure out what was happening when I suddenly got it.

"She has PTSD, she may thinks she is getting attacked or... or assaulted. I think she is reviving her rape." I said tears sprinkling in my eyes.

"We need to calm her down." Stated sternly Meredith, and I agreed. I took Lizzie's hands in mine and squeezed them as tight as I could.

"Lizzie open your eyes, Lizzie you're in the hospital and you're safe, I'm here it's Sarah, there is no man in the room, just Dr Grey, two women nurses, you and me. Please Lizzie open your eyes for me, it's Sarah, it's Sarah honey."

Slowly I could hear her breathing getting softer and she was less screaming, maybe also because of the tiredness.

"That's good lovely girl, keep breathing with me, come back to me now. Come back to the hospital room with Dr Grey and I, you're safe here, no one is going to hurt, I promise. I'll protect you. Forever."

Lizzie opened her eyes and they meet mine. Hers were full of fear and it broke my heart.

"Sa-Sarah ?..." She asked me weakly.

"Yes it's me Lizzie, it's Sarah." And with that she jumped into my arms. I hugged her and she buried her head into my neck. I could feel the tears streaming down her face but I couldn't wipe them, she just needed me to hold her right now, and I shushed to her that I wouldn't never let her go.