Sunsets by the Lake- Jegulus

Fifth and Sixth Year; Chapter Ten

*Sensitive content and topics in this chapter, you do not have to read. The end of the chapter has James and Regulus interacting but it is nothing necessary for the plot. 

Third Person POV

Aurora hadn't talked to Regulus since their fight. He had tried every day for the first two weeks to talk to her, but to no avail. By the third week, he had given up. She knew it was wrong doing this to him, knowing he was doing just as bad as she was, but she couldn't face him. 

Regulus was spiraling. He hadn't remembered feeling this horrid, not even after Sirius fled. He had always suffered with depression; it was something he grew accustomed to living with, but he had entered a downward spiral and he didn't think it would ever end. 

He had cut himself in the past; quite frequently too, but when Aurora found out, he stopped. But she wasn't there to stop him this time. He tried to stop the thoughts; but they didn't listen. 

He grabbed the pocket knife from on top of his nightstand; not worrying about his dorm mates walking in on him,knowing they were out with their girlfriends or a girl from another house they will never speak to again, but locked the door none the less. He hesitated before putting the sharp edge of the knife to his skin and sliding it smoothly across his forearm. 

He always found relief in the pain, it gave him a sense of serenity. He knew it was weird that he would become calm from pain and self-harm; but it relaxed him. So, he slashed his arm again. And then again; then he looked at his cut arm and cried. That was when the regret flooded in, regret because he knew now that he had started his process again, it wouldn't stop. 

That was how it worked with Regulus; he would do anything to make the pain stop, even if it caused more.  He got like this in his first year, when his brother had started avoiding him for being sorted into Slytherin; he experimented with all sorts of things to make his thoughts go away: Sleeping Draughts mid-day so he would sleep the day away, drawing, painting, playing piano; but nothing worked. 

Another time in fourth year when his brother's friends had scouted him out in the library and started taunting him. He didn't know what he had done to deserve something this cruel. That is when he discovered cutting.

 It was the beginning of a dark loop that didn't stop until months later when Aurora had happened to see under his slightly rolled up sleeve. 

--

"Regulus what is that on your arms?" Aurora asked, startling Regulus, who had been reading. 

"There is nothing on my arms; what do you mean?" 

"Yes there is, they look all cut up. Roll your sleeves up, let me see." She insisted in a stern voice. 

"I don't see why it is necessary for me to roll up my sleeves. There is nothing on my arms, and you know I don't lie to you; you would be able to tell if i was." 

"I can tell that you're lying right now, so roll up your sleeves before I come over and do it for you."

"Stop nagging."

"It's not nagging, it's concern. Just because you happen not to care for you well-being, does not mean I don't care about you."

"If I do this, will you shut the hell up and leave me alone?" He immediately felt sorry for snapping, but her stubbornness got to him sometimes. 

"Yes, I promise."

So, he rolled up and sleeves and showed her. There was no hiding the loud gasp and evident shock written all of his best friend's face. 

"Are those what I think they are?"

"No, I cut myself on a tree. Yes, they are what you think you are; what else would they be?" He remarked sarcastically. 

"But-but why?"

"You said you would leave me alone if I showed you, so why are you still talking to me about this?"

"Because I'm, like I already said, concerned."

"Well then stop! Merlin, you are so annoying sometimes." 

Then, she just walked off. Regulus went back to his book unconcerned about the recent events; he didn't believe she would do anything. 

But when he went back to his dorm that evening, searching for his blade, found nothing. Not a single sharp object in his entire dorm. He was too tired to say anything about it to her that evening, so he just went to bed. By the time he woke up, he had forgotten all about it. 

--

When the rush of it all had finally ceased, the realization hit. And when the realization hit, so did the tears. And when the tears started, they didn't stop until Regulus' eyes were completely dry.

He couldn't stand to be in his dorm any longer, so he ventured to the Astronomy Tower. The tower seemed to be the only place he could go for peace of mind when he got like this. He knew tall towers and self-harm addicted people did not mix well, but Regulus knew he was too much of a coward to do anything other than watching his blood soak the floor of his dormitory bathroom. 

Once he reached the top of the tower, Regulus found his quiet corner hid off from the rest of the tower by shadows, and cried. He cried and cried until he was fresh out of tears. Then, he just sat there, and stared. Into the abyss of darkness and nothingness of the tower from his small corner. 

He hadn't heard anyone come up the steps until they called his name. Startled, he moved from his spot to see what had called out to him. James. He had forgotten it was Tuesday and didn't realize it was only 8:45 in the evening. It felt like he had been up for years. 

"Why am I not surprised that you are early?"

"I'm not early, you just have no sense of time and get here late." I'm not early, I just happened to be here already crying.

"Are you alright, you look like you have been crying."

"I'm fine; my face is just red because I've been waiting here for you for so long. Did you happen to bring your books, it seems I have forgotten mine."

"Oh um, yes I have." 

"Great, let's get started." 

A/n: I am so sorry I haven't updated in so long. I am so bad at maintaining a constant schedule. I was also debating on posting this for awhile, but I was way too lazy to rewrite, so this is what we get.

I think I should see back from the arts school in the next few days; fingers crossed. I'm very excited about that. I am doing an English project on Renaissance art right now and it is sooo much fun. But that's like the only interesting things going on rn. 

How are you guys??

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