Fractured

Chapter 7 [Q]

QUINTON

It's been a while since Malia left. Can't say that I feel nothing. Every night I go to sleep I imagine her face next to me. I don't know if I actually hate Rowan because of the bad feelings I got from him or because I was jealous that the woman he woke up to was the woman I dreamed to marry. I've been in love with her for as long as I remember. As much as I'm mad because I feel like she discarded my feelings like that, I can't help but reminisce about everything that happened between us and wish her well.

God I should've been supportive then and just become like Emma and Darren, call everyday and meet up every now and then, but I'm too stubborn for my own good.

I keep thinking of the words she had said. She was right, I was a coward. How could she ever think that I hate her? Not laughing, giggling, snorting, or wheezing with her is the worst. She was like my heroin, my personal drug. I feel an ache in my chest every time. I feel a tear slip out as I lay in bed with my laptop in front of me. I get up and put it away. What's the point of writing a book when your only inspiration has faded.

I'm not in the mood to write, I can't even focus. I'm supposed to be in my best state of mind writing so all those creative plots come in.

"YOU'RE DOING THIS PURPOSELY"

"Purposely"

"Purposely"

She was so desperate to be loved why couldn't she let me love her that way. Was she as scared as me?

No one is as scared as me. She was right, I am a coward.

"WHAT ARE THE OTHER REASONS YOU COWARD?"

"COWARD"

"COWARD"

Fuck mental health. I didn't realize until now I was crying. I walk to my dresser that has the mirror above it and brace my hands on it. I look at my reflection. Who am I? I'm not the same person I was before. No this person is a coward staring back. He was always a coward.

I see two reflections in the mirror. One of them shows me the pathetic boy that has bloodshot red eyes and tears dripping down his face onto his chin for his dumbass mistakes. The other one is laughing at me. Dark laughs that crack through the air. The one you cower from in fear. He's laughing at how dumb I am.

I turn off the lights and imagine those beautiful gray eyes. The gray eyes I filled with tears. Sweetcheeks what a stupid and cringy nickname. I bet he calls her something better. Something that lets him slip his hands between her silky hair, and here I was thinking I'm her heart and she's my infinity.

I hope he's a better man than me. Someone who treats her well. Bet he's a man.

God I'm so immature. I blocked her from every social media account because I didn't want to have to bear dealing with that pain.

How can one single girl turn my whole world upside down and make me the most vulnerable thing. I wanna rock back and forth on the floor but I can't. I can't fall apart that much. No one ever can understand when your someone special glued and sewed a special type of patch on you and then they decide to rip it out of their own hands. I heard knocks on my door, I wonder who it is. Darren, Emma and I still talk of course. Even though it's a bit awkward.

The door opens and I see Emma's head pop in. I see her blonde hair in a bun and her glasses on the tip of her nose like they're about to fall off. Emma's cute but I'll always see her as a little sister the same way she sees me as a big brother. Usually she doesn't wear her glasses. She's very insecure about glasses and her eyes. Her family always obsesses over the blue eyes thing and her being the only one in the family doesn't help. Glasses also makes her feel like she's hurt her eyes too much because of her family. I love her family but god they're terrible for that.

'Are you okay?' She asked with her eyebrows scrunched together. 'Yeah I'm fine, when am I not.' I joked around. She gave me a stern look. She walked across the room and sat next to me putting her head on my shoulder. 'I know it hurts. But it'll eventually stop. First love is always the hardest. I miss her too, but you should just talk to her, you know. You didn't even say goodbye or ask how she was during her flight. I mean I asked but Rowan responded saying she was sleeping and stuff. Family shouldn't be torn apart like this. Maybe you're just supposed to be in another life, another reality. But I however still believe somehow in the future everything will come around like you and her. That you guys will still end up together.' she said.

'How?' I asked. 'Cause you're soulmates you belong together and you're her glue and she's your stick.' she said. 'What's that supposed to mean?' I asked again, staring off into the wall. 'It means that you hold her together and you aren't stable without her. I hope that makes sense. I mean ugh whatever you get the idea.' she said grumbling in the last sentence. 'Any who let's go to sleep, who knows what the future holds for us like tomorrow.' she said walking off. 'Goodnight, love you' she said. 'Goodnight I love you too.' I said.

                                                                                                   ...

We just had breakfast and Darren came over since those two had off. Emma was just scrolling through her Instagram while Darren and I were playing Tekken. We hardly play video games but he said "Dude your face says you need it.". I heard Emma pick up the phone. Someone was calling her. I brushed it off even though my heart felt like it was about to burst for some random reason.

'I'm going out tonight to a club. I want to know how I look, so how do I look?' The person from the other side said. I was blessed to hear her beautiful voice after so long. I felt my eyesight getting blurry, but I pushed that aside. I heard Emma call Darren over and then he came back to resume playing with me. The next words that slipped out of Malia's mouth made me freeze. My Malia. No, I wasn't ready. Emma looked at me with her eyebrows scrunching and her questioning look because I was mouthing 'no' but then she rolled her eyes and lied for me. One thing I knew is that Malia knew I was there because Emma never says 'at the moment'.

They talked for a few more minutes and then she hung up. 'You know you are a dick. You need to get your priorities straight. She knew I was lying, I feel like I should be swallowed with guilt. The look on her face made me want to cry. Why are you backing out like this Quinton?' She asked, she never called me Quinton unless she was angry.

'You know what, how about this, don't ever push me to talk to her. But whenever you plan to fly to Italy to meet her I'll gather courage and go with you?' I said. 'Really?' she whispered. I nodded my head muttering 'yes'. She squealed and hugged me. 'We're back, baby.' Emma and Darren said at the same time fist-bumping.

A/N: Yes I'm aware I went away for a while. *Sighs oh Quinton. But it really was mandatory and it hurt a lot. Mental Health things am I right? Well I hope I made it up by making this chapter in his pov.