Fractured

Chapter 18

TRIGGER WARNING

DARK AND GRAPHIC

I took off from work today because I wasn't looking or feeling well with everything Rowan did to me. I grab a book from my dresser to take my mind off everything. I debate whether I should grab 'The Maddest Obsession' or 'The Wicked King' . I go with 'The Maddest Obsession'. Yesterday after drowning me he decided to get drunk and throw the glass on my head.

After reading I notice it's 5 pm. I should get a haircut like bangs that cover the marks on my head, and full sleeves.

I officially hate this place. Just because Rowan is at work doesn't make me feel any safer. I go to the bathroom feeling nauseous. There's a feeling crawling up to my throat and I run to the toilet, letting everything disgusting out of my mouth. That goes on for at least two minutes I'm guessing. I wish Quinton was here to pull my hair back or something.

I miss him so fucking much. If I could leave right now, I would. I'd run away to the man that I was in love with before. I start brushing my teeth again because of how disgusting the smell is of vomit. My mind wanders off to why I threw up. Oh no. Please don't say I'm pregnant. Because of those thoughts I leave the house.

I go to the nearest store and purchase three pregnancy tests. After coming home and leaving the tests on the sink I sit down on the bed with my head in my hands. I lay down and think of why God made me deal with this. Tears pour out of my eyes of how I think of how cowardly I am.

Not being able to bear myself with these thoughts I call Emily. I wipe my tears on my sleeve before she picks up and I clear my voice.

"Hey."  She says as she picks up.

"Hey, I just wanted to tell you something." I say.

"You know, you don't sound so good. Are you okay?"

"Wait, listen. I might be pregnant."

"What? Did you take the test or the sticks whatever they're called? Isn't that a good thing? I mean not good but not bad because it's with someone you love who also loves you back. But it might not be a great thing because you are still pretty young."

"No-" I get cut off by the sounds from the timer. I continue "The timer is up, and I think there's things I should tell you that I just can't keep to myself anymore. I'm going to hang up now, but I'll call you later, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I love you, bye." she says as I hang up. I turn off the timer and go to the bathroom. Before I check, I look up at the ceiling and pray that it's negative. I look down and grab the sticks, ignoring the part that my heart is racing.

Negative.

I breathe out in relief. Since it's negative I think of running away to Emily's house. I want kids but not with him. I've always wanted kids when I was younger, I threw it all in the trash and decided to go to pack my stuff. Every single thing I own. For some reason today seems all too familiar.

                                                                       ...

I heard the phone ringing, and I picked it up. Oh, is he coming home? Slurred words, god he's drunk. My heart quivers in fear and sorrow. I can't hear his voice. I'm worried for him, but not more than I am for myself. He's drunk again. I hope no one at work is like this too. No there's people like him everywhere in the world. 'Answer me,' his voice screams from the phone. I'm so quiet I don't think I'm breathing. I'm too scared. This is happening all over again but with him instead.

All these years I healed. My friends, everything I've moved on except from the nightmares about my mother and the overthinking I'm fine. Therapy is just for little things. That's it, I can't do this anymore. I hung up the phone. He'll kill me. I packed my bags in a hurry, they're scattered everywhere. I put my hand on my head and winced. Still healing. Sore cuts. God where's my phone?

I left the house with everything in my bags. SHIT. NO. NO. How is he here that fast? Stupid fast car. He's walking in front of me. He saw me running. His eyes move to me to the suitcase and everything I have and back to me. He looks even more pissed. He's running. I ran the other direction. I wanna scream for help. But after last night my throat and voice doesn't work anymore. I felt two arms around my waist carrying me, taking me back into that house. NOT THAT HOUSE. I HATE THAT HOUSE SO MUCH.

I fucked up, and now I'm trapped in this house I thought I loved but hate instead.

I close my eyes praying Rowan lets me go. I was damaged and broken. I didn't know he was capable of making it worse. I feel like he knows the idea of love but just doesn't want to. When Emma dated her boyfriend Kendall she told me 'Love is a lie sometimes.'.

He drops me on the bed. "I had enough with you. You don't understand you asked for this! This is what love is! Believe me when I say I love you Malia it's not that hard now say it back!" he screams at me making me flinch. I tried to get away but he tied me to the bed. My head moves to the side by his strong punch. "FUCKING SAY IT." he repeats.

"No, no I hate you. Don't do this if you love me. You said you love me, please. I'm begging you. Just leave me." I whisper crying. He punches me repeatedly forcing my mouth shut.

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!." I beg him sobbing. I can tell the wet stuff on me is blood. My own blood. He pulls my pants down and undresses himself. "I'VE BEEN TOO PATIENT." He screams in my face.

I hear the tearing of a wrapper. No, no, no, no, no, no. He forces himself inside me. He thrusts himself in me forcefully. He goes hard and fast. I feel so bare as if I'm not even human anymore. I feel betrayed and hurt like I have nothing to live for anymore. He starts choking me as he makes noises from above me that I try to block out. I want to kill myself but I know ironically there's people that love me.

I feel stripped of everything. My pride, shame, glory, love, and etc.

When he's done he says "I love you, I'm just making sure you know that.". He breathes heavily staring at the ceiling "You still feel so good but lord you got blood all over me. My little whore." he laughs. I  look down and see blood dripping down my legs. "Why?" I ask, my voice shaking.

He sighs pulling me closer to him. "Because I love you, why else?" he says that's the last thing I hear before I pass out.

A/N: Did that specific scene seem familiar? What song from the playlist reminds you of this chapter? These were written from the darkest depths of my mind so it makes my chest feel heavy asf. I was crying so hard writing this I couldn't even write it without feeling my food coming up my throat. My heart breaks for Malia. ily, stay safe! <3