Light Up The Sky

Chapter 11

"Ano'ng masakit sa 'yo, Kuya?"

Sumilay ang maliit na ngiti sa labi ni Kuya Hans at marahan na umiling bago ipinagpatuloy ang pagsusulat. He's doing his homework but I notice how he keeps on holding his head and belly. And the intensity of his sigh and grunts while doing that is alarming.

Parang may kakaiba.

Parang may mali.

Para siyang nasasaktan.

"Kuya Hans, tell me!"

"Everything's fine, Vivienne. Continue with what you're doing."

"But you look in pain! May masakit ba sa ulo mo? Or 'yung stomach mo? Is it upset? Do you need anything? Ano'ng kailangang gawin?"

"Wala lang 'to, Vivienne."

"Kuya Hans!"

Medyo tumaas ang boses ko kaya't napalingon siya sa akin, medyo gulat dahil unang beses na nangyari ito. But I couldn't help it. Naiinis ako. Nagagalit ako. Because it's obvious that he's having a hard time but he wouldn't tell it to me!

Ilang beses ko nang napapansin iyong panay na paghawak niya sa ulo niya, sa belly niya. Isinasawalang bahala ko lang noong una dahil akala ko ayos lang. But the way he emitted those alarming grunts? I couldn't help but feel anxious.

I feel like there's something wrong.

"Don't do that again, Vivienne. Gusto mo bang mapagalitan ni Dad?"

"Then tell it to me!"

"Wala —"

"Tell it to me!"

"There's nothing wrong!" napasigaw na ring aniya kaya natigilan ako... ngunit mas nakaramdam ng galit.

His eyes softened at my reaction. He tried to reach for my hands and was about to say something but I immediately stand up.

"You know what, Kuya, bahala ka na. Keep it to yourself. Go, die if you want!"

Hindi ko na siya pinagbigyan na magsalita at dali-daling lumabas sa study room papunta sa room ko. I lock the door, climb on my bed, cover my blanket over me, and cry.

Why can't he tell it to me? I'm his sister. I'm his best friend. I have the right to know what's happening to him. I'm worried about his health. I'm getting very anxious about it.

I'm scared of what might happen to him.

So so scared.

"But that scary thing I don't want to happen happened. Because... I wished for it," litanya ko habang nakatitig kay Liam, pinanonood ang reaksyon niya.

Nakaawang ang labi niya ngunit hindi siya makapagsalita —pinoproseso ang lahat ng ikinuwento ko sa kaniya. Like he couldn't believe that I did that. Like he couldn't believe that I was so despicable for wishing that... for saying that.

"Be careful about what you wish for indeed."

"You just said it out of madness, you didn't wish it. I know, you don't want that to happen, Vivienne."

"But it was still evil. I am evil."

Umiling siya. "I wouldn't say it's okay because it was terribly wrong, Vivienne. But don't do that again, okay?"

"I won't."

"I guess, you know now the importance of thinking before speaking."

Tumango ako. "Especially when I'm mad."

He nodded, too. "Because words are so powerful. They can be helpful or hurtful, and can have a positive or negative influence on someone's life. And what's worst is, once words exit our mouth, no amount of apologies will make them magically go back in."