𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 - 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐀𝐔

𝐎𝐧𝐞

𝐊𝐚𝐭𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐬

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝, everything has completely changed. But what would you expect after everyone you knew in that arena was taken away to be tortured for months because of you, all because of me. My actions, the mockingjay actions.

When the troops rescued everyone from the capital, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. Annie jumped into Finnick's arms after six weeks apart from one another, Johanna sat in her hospital bed shaven head flashing her signature smirk and killer eyes at me as I walked by, I would want to kill me too if that was me in her position. Whatever mind tricks that snow has played on Peeta's mind about killing me have worked, he strangled me after seeing me, his eyes weren't his eyes, it was like somebody was controlling his mind and body.

It's been a couple days since they all returned home and since Peeta tried to kill me, my neck is bruised and swollen, I can barely talk and I have had an extreme headache the last few days. But that's what I get, I caused them all that pain.

I've been stuck in a hospital bed also, I miss my small quarters. I miss my privacy, constant doctors coming in and out making sure that I am alive, I think I am extremely high on their suicide list. I wouldn't want to draw even more attention to myself after everything, 'MockingJay found dead in her hospital bed'.

I found myself wandering around the halls of the quiet hospital floors, Prim only works day shifts along with my mom. I miss the conversation at nighttime, that's when the loneliness kicks in full effect. Even if the conversation is small, it counts to me

" well looky who we have here, Little Miss mockingjay. You here to give me an inspirational message to make me heal faster?" Johanna asked sarcastically as she walked slowly away from here bed

" I just wanted to see how you were doing, how are you feeling?" I asked and she scoffed

" like you actually care how I feel, surprised you even knew where my room was Everdeen" she said and I sat down despite the looks she shot me

" why does it surprise you that I'm wondering how you are? Do you think that little of me Mason?" I asked her and she laughed

" You know when your hijacked to see you as the enemy, it's pretty unbelievable to believe that you are just here to check on me. You going to kill me like snow said?" She asked and I gulped sinking down into the chair

"It's not my fault that he made you see like that Johanna, I just wanted to check up on an old Allie" I said and she slightly smirked

"Well aren't you so sweet" Johanna said and chuckled with no emotion in her voice, she came closer to where I sat and she tilted my head away from her

" seems like you went and seen bread boy by the looks of your neck, I say snow would be happy to know that his mutt is doing his job" Johanna commented and I gulped in response

" he was close to killing me, thankfully someone smacked him over the head knocking him out" I said and looked dead in her eyes that looked as if they were filled with deepened pain, anger and fear

" how are you being treated here? "She asked seeming genuinely interested and her eyes relaxed

" nothing special, running around like a lost puppy doing everything under the sun that they want. I don't exactly have a say in what I do I just have to do it, no matter how upset I am or how much danger I'm in" I said and looked at my hands

" Snow really messed us up, god Snows basement funhouse got old after an hour, I'm sure you would've loved it" she said and climbed back into her bed

" oh brainless you've got no idea how bad it was" she said and scoffed and returned to her usual self

" we've all experienced our own type of torture" I said and she shook her head

" you can believe that all you like, but you'll never know what torture I've been threw" she spat and I rolled my eyes.

" I understand tha-" she cut me off

" don't even try to say that you 'understand' Everdeen, because you don't! you don't understand how sick and twisted Snow is "

She's right, I'll never understand the mental, physical and emotional trauma and pain that they all went through, but I want to understand and find out more. But there's no way she'd ever tell me, she can barely even look me in the eye.

**

After mine and Johanna's chat, the next morning I was discharged from the hospital finally. Mom and prim helped me with my stuff and I've never been so happy to the my quarters.

" hello sweetheart"

Haymitch stood at my bed which scared the shit out of me, he just laughed like a school boy after pranking another student.

" Jesus Christ Haymitch, you can't do that!" I yelled and he continued to laugh

" heard you went to visit Mason yesterday, I just find it funny since you told me your little secret" he said and I blushed a deep shade of red

" you said you wouldn't talk about it again Haymitch, plus I was drunk" I said trying to defend myself

" remember sweetheart, drunk words are sober thoughts" he said and sat down

" whatever, what do you want?" I asked changing the subject

" Coin wants you to another propo, I know you said you didn't want to do another one, but you think that she really would listen to that?" He asks and I shake my head no and sigh

" no way, I'm like her show pony around here and do everything that she throws at me" I said and threw my head back in annoyance

" well cheer up sweetheart, sadly this is what you signed up for when you agreed to be the Mockingjay" He said and I threw him the middle finger and smiled a fake smile

" I didn't exactly have any other choice did I? Coin would've murdered me on the spot and wished she'd chosen Peeta as her little Mockingjay, at least the women and some men from the capital and rebelling districts would've actually enjoyed looking his face. Sadly I don't have that appeal" I said and Haymitch laughed

" you do have an effect on some people Katniss, some people in the capital were fond of your looks. I expected them to all back off when Peeta admitted his love or even proposed to you, some people were and are too smart and see past the whole act" he said and I took everything he was saying in

" you'd think that all the hair dye and wigs that they wear would rot their brains" I said and Haymitch

" some just escaped with luck"