Never Again Will There Be Another Chance

Chapter 10

I am a nobody and a friend

I wonder who really sees me as I am

I hear the gossips about me that everyone wonders if true

I see pain, blood, and shaking legs

I want to end this misery

I am a nobody and a friend

I pretend I am brave and strong, even though I'm breaking on the inside

I feel as if I am going to break any second

I touch the crimson snow, cool with faded warmth

I worry of what I'm become if I stay too long, and worry of what I'll miss if I go

I cry until I can barely feel my eyes anymore

I am a nobody and a friend

I understand the pain, the misery you want to end

I say that I am a friend, but truly, I'm the friend of the monster inside me

I dream and hope I'll never wake up again

I try to pull the trigger but I can't

I hope this all will be forgotten tomorrow but truly,

I am only a nobody and one's friend

Elijah's not here today

I'm walking home by myself,(yes, I finally learned my way home). But I'm not feeling like joking today, not even the monster inside me feels like coming out today.

Normally when I'm feeling depressed I go straight home after school but, I can't, can't go home now. No, that's the place that swallows me in darkness, that's the place where I'm devoured by my own mind. And now, something in me doesn't want that anymore.

Hope

I guess not only did I changed Elijah's view of me, but he changed something in me as well, we're even now, bitch

I head to the park and go over to what used to be my favorite bench and I opened up my backpack to get my book.

I get comfortable and open up my book to the bookmark I put there on page 229 and I start reading.

This is why I need you to never touch those cards again. Do you understand? 'No, no matter how hard I try I can't stop thinking about Elijah, I can't stop going to that dark place in my mind. I need to know if Elijah's okay.'

' I think of the time I saw my father slapping my mother across the face. I felt horrible and afraid, what if Elijah's feeling that way right or even worse. No, I was a afraid little child back then, Elijah is not and he says this happens a lot, he's used to this by now. Right?'

But......

'What if he's not, what if he's feeling terrible, maybe it was because of me being there. I have to see for myself.'

I got up and went to Elijah's house and only then did I realize the possibility for Elijah's parents to be at their house. Or worse, their fighting again, I can't bear to see that. The last time, I freaked out more than Elijah, I can't go back.

So this time I used my logic and decided to text Elijah.

Me: Hi *delete *

Me: Come over? *delete * *delete * * delete *

Me: R your parents home * delete * *delete * * delete * * DELETE *

I have no idea what to say or write to Elijah, this calls for desperate measures

Siri: Calling elijAH ....

Straight to voicemail, damn you Russo.

Maybe he just needs time. I'm yelling your name from across the hall if you ignore me tomorrow when you come to school.

And if not, lets just say, you'll have a dozen calls from me, missed or not.