kat was overwhelmed with the thoughts from yesterday, and today—the teasing sending her barreling into the deep end. her face heated up as she remembered sunghoon teasing jay for the way he acted around her, niki poking fun at him too. no, they wouldn't tease kat like they did jay, but it was indirected at her, as they knew she was listening. her stomach fluttered and her chest caved in, the pencil in her hand shaking slightly. she set it down quietly, sighing out in an attempt at a deep breath. she was supposed to be writing lyrics, but the only thing she could think of was his damn smile, and stupid laugh, and soft hands, and—she stopped herself from giving in too quickly.
the silence only emphasized these thoughts; yes it was good to write in silence because then you were authentic, but it also has a point where it just hurts your feelings—killing you slowly. she decided to take a break, putting her headphones on quickly and shuffling her playlist (maybe for some inspiration). she chose the one that had every type of song on it, her main playlist.
it felt like it was mocking her as into you started playing, she skipped it, then plot twist, skipping that too. she laughed in frustration as the feels sent her over the edge. she slammed her headphones down into her lap, groaning.
"what the fuck is wrong with me." she breathed out as she leaned her head back, but catching her attention was the movement of someone trying to escape before she noticed.
she watched as the upside down boy gave up, knowing he'd already been caught, "o-oh, sorry. i didn't kno—"
"oh—hi, jay." she spun the chair around lifting her head simultaneously, the boy now right side up. "how long have you been there?" she asked like she was playing out a stupid rom-com.
"n-not long. i just heard—"
"it's okay, you can come in, i'm just trying to write."
he nodded hesitantly, jointing the girl inside the room. he stood like the man emoji, looking around like his life depended on not making eye-contact with kat.
it started again, the feelings, the stupid butterflies in her stomach. she choked it down, the feeling of wanting to vomit everything to him. she tried to not avoid his eyes, but it seemed they were both on the same page. kat turned around, hoping he'd either join her or ignore her.
soon the chair next to her was being pulled out, "w-what are you writing?" jay asked as he sat down looking into her perfect side-profile. she suddenly realized the lyrics she did write were on full display, and she played it off using her arm to cover them like she noticed he was cheating on a test.
"nothing special," but she was lying, they were all about something—someone—special. "just stuff."
"anything i can, you know, help with."
"no!" she shouted, gulping down the guilt. it hit him hard, stunning him into a shocked stare. "i mean, it's not for you guys, so no."
he laughed awkwardly, not understanding what she meant at all, "i get it." he lied, "songwriter stuff."
she shrugged, thankful he didn't push further, "yeah, credit and that." but he didn't get it, and kat wouldn't give in to explaining.
she cringed as she folded the notebook over, hiding her desperate words from the boy she wanted to spill to—and he desperately wanted her to spill.
he wasn't necessarily insecure. he could be considered chill and cool in most aspects, but when it came to kat he felt stupid; stupid for wanting her after such a short time, stupid for caring what she thought, and stupid for giving in so easily.
why couldn't he stay true to himself when it came to her?
kat could feel his piercing stare while deep in thought, and it just made her scared to flinch in the slightest to interrupt him. she didn't know why she was caring so much for him after just weeks, but she couldn't stop herself—and she didn't know if she wanted to. "a-aren't you tired?" she asked, smoothing her voice over.
he huffed, shuffling back in the chair, "i could ask you the same thing." he crossed his arms, looking nonchalant and perfect all at once.
he laughed quietly, "i'm writing, you were dancing."
"mental or physical—" he shrugged, "if anything i think yours is worse."
"i'm fine, don't worry." she didn't know why she said that to him, why he would be worried for her. "y-you should go home, jay."
"you want me to leave?"
she choked at his sudden burst of confidence, jay shocking himself too, "w-what?"
she was afraid to show her features to him, afraid he'd see how affected she was by him; just his words, let alone his visuals. she knew she was a bright shade, body unnecessarily tensed. her thoughts and heartbeat were both running at the same speed—astronomically fast.
she tried to fake confidence, but you can't fake what you don't have, "d-do what you want."
they were both stubborn, and they were only figuring that out.
"then, i'll stay, until you leave."
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