The Cop (Ariana/You)

Chapter 32

After I told Ariana about the incident, we were left in an awkward silence. She never gave me details about the break up with her ex fiancé, just that it was messy. It was messing with my head because I felt blindsided by it and in a way I feel like an idiot at the same time.

Many thoughts and feelings are racing through my head. Like maybe I don't really know Ariana that well like how I thought? Why am I so easily open with her? Why do I feel so in the dark in all of this? Am I just too much in my head? Should I be closed off again and give up?

"Riley, I'm so sorry this all happened to you. I'm just so sorry," she took a shaky breath and was about to continue.
"Ariana, listen, I don't want to pry nor do I want to be the type of jealous girlfriend. But at this point I feel so in the dark about all of this and I completely understand that your past trauma isn't something you'd like to talk about. But I just can't help but to feel like such an idiot when I don't know what's going on. Like why is your ex fiancé being so hostile towards me? Why is he so convinced that you'll just leave me? And I yeah common sense I shouldn't let what he says get in my head but it's hard when I don't know any of the situation. I hardly know anything. I don't know anything." I said the last part to myself.

"Riley I'm sorry. Pete is a very unstable individual who relies on drugs to get through the day and he's just overall aggressive as well. But I promise that what he's said is not true at all. You are one of the most important parts in my life. There's no way I wouldn't let go of us. Truth be told everything that happened, it's was a traumatic moment in my life. But I'm willing to share with you, more in depth this time." Ariana spoke, her voice was shaky still.

We sat down on the coach and I made sure to give her my undivided attention.
"Pete and I, our relationship was very messy and very fast. He was just somebody I saw that I could cling on to, I was so in my head about who he was, I made him out to be this good guy and this ideal husband. When Pete asked me to marry him, I know deep down I wasn't even sure but I just went ahead and said yes. Because all my life I've just always been this hopeless romantic that just wants a forever kind of love. Of course I don't want to be jumping from one relationship to the next, but I've just always been scared of being single. I just didn't want to be alone. But through our relationship, especially after what happened," Ariana took a shaky breath, but I gave her a look that I just knew what she was talking about, "Pete's demeanor changed, he wasn't this nice guy anymore, he became more up and down and got into more drugs. His moods hit high and low which left me confused and hurt, which added on top to the grief. Then once we broke things off, he took it very publicly, making me seem like this person who's intention was to hurt him, when that wasn't what I was doing at all." She let out a shaky breath.

I felt so bad, but I was able to comfort her with a clearer perspective and able to see who she was from a different but refreshing perspective.

But I also felt a wave of guilt wash over me for ever doubting her or literally everything.
I started to mentally doubt myself and whether I was even worthy of her if I even dare to doubt her.

What the hell am I doing?

"Listen Riley, I love you okay. And I completely understand what you mean when you said you felt like you were in the dark. I'm sorry I didn't tell you a bit sooner. But I feel better you know now. I'm still so sorry for what Pete did."

"No Ariana, you don't have to apologize. I'm sorry for doubting you, I'm sorry for being in my head so much about this. I love you so much and I'm so grateful to be secure in the thought that I'm loved by you." I stated.