i fell for you. [on hold]

ch 5

when i woke up, the hell began again. the first class i have is biology, with Patch. i was already annoyed because i had to wake up this early and then with the news that the first class was with Patch didn't make it any better. i was in a bad mood and i could probably kill someone with just looking at them.

i was deeply in thoughts about how many reasons i could formulate to get another partner. Patch wasn't showing interest in team work, he didn't work on the assignment and i could go on and on about why he's not a good partner but with coach, it wouldn't matter so i had to think of an solution, a compromis.

'Nora?' coach said as soon as i was back to reality.

'uuhm, can you repeat the question?'

he sigh rolling his eyes. 'what qualities are you attracted to in a potential mate?'

'can you ask someone else first?'

'fine, Patch?'

he turned slightly towards me, talked with confidence. 'intelligent. attractive. vulnerable.'

'vulnerable? how so?' coach asked interested.

Patch laughed softly. 'the problem about human attraction is not knowing if it'll be returned.' he paused and waited for coach sign to continue, who just nodded. 'humans are vulnerable because their capable of being hurt.' as soon as he said he knocked his knee against mine and looked me in the eyes for seconds.

'okay, so Patch, just imagine that you're at a party. there are all kind of girls. you're just interested in on, how do you let her know you are?'

'simple, i take her to some quiet place, i talk to her.'

'how do you know if she's into it?'

'i figure out what she's thinking. i have to pay attention to her actions because her words won't say enough. i have to study her, watch her. does she turns her body towards mine? does she hold my eyes, then look away? does she bite her lip and play with her hair, the way Nora is doing right now? then she's in.'

i whipped my head up, my mouth open, eyes wide. i just stared at him like this for what felt like hours. 'this is absolutely ridiculous.'

'her skin is warming and she tries to got the attention off of her face by stroking her arm. she likes the attention even though she won't admit it. she's not not sure how to handle it, how to react.'

i placed my hands on my table and held my breath for a while. i looked from Patch to coach, to Vee to the class and back to Patch. i kept saying myself that he is just a lunatic. he is just insane, he's sick in his head.

god thank the bell rang right after, i was literally saved by the bell. i walked straight to coach, ignoring every one who looked at me with a stupid grin on their face.

'what can i do for you Nora?'

'i want to talk about my new partner, i don't think it works out well. i feel uncomfortable and pissed off.'

'i like how it is now, look at Patch, he hasn't talked since the beginning of the year, i put him next to you and bang! he involves himself in an discussion.'

'i'll tutor anyone in this biology class to get the old seats back.'

'Patch could use one.'

'that wouldn't really make a difference, you think?'

'Nora, i have to go. these are the seats for the rest of the year. oh and i mean it about tutoring Patch, i count on you.' and he just walked away, just like that.

my thoughts were running again. in the last 3 days i thought more about my mom's dead than the last couple years. i thought about all the pain that i felt. all the tears that i've cried. all the moment i should've lived. i haven't, i haven't lived for years. i haven't even felt alive. i praid for days without believing. i mostly thought about the pain.

the pain, that is indescribable but so clear. that pain which is so hard to deal with. it's like seeing the person you love die in front of your eyes, they just disappear. it's like being in a fire, your lungs fulled with smoke. you can't move, you can't scream, you can't breath. the flames are licking every inch of your skin and you're just nailed on the ground. they burn you, they hurt you, but they don't kill you. you want to die so badly but you won't. you won't burn to ash. it just hurts but it doesn't kill you. it's this moment, this moment that i could finally describe the pain i felt for years. this moment that i realized, no one is worth living for.

sorry for short ch. really busy with school and stuff. hope you like it. hope i get more reads :| much love