Chapter 3
My so-called "friends" and I, I don't have a good relationship with my so-called "friends", I don't have the experience of sitting around laughing with them, or laughing every time I think about the past with them. For me and what makes me feel even colder than that, is that many people probably don't even think about me.
When I was in high school, boys and girls alike, I had a lot of friends. They were all very friendly, so whenever they needed anything, I always did what I could to return the favor. I didn't know the truth until one day when I happened to hear from my friend, who I thought was my best friend, spouting off about me in class behind my back. He said a lot of terrible things about me that I never knew before.
Many of my friends approach me, because my brother is handsome and some approach me, because I am a nerd and I can help them with their studies. I am not good at socializing, I always do weird things when I am with people, so that my brother often has to take care of me when things go wrong.
For "Without your brother, a man like Pi would be nothing" I was deeply saddened by such words. I've heard it over and over again and I've become numb to it.
After that day, everything changed. I could no longer see my friends in a sincere way, no longer believe that the smile they gave me in the moment was genuine. They probably hated me so much that they hung out with me because it was profitable. The shock of this huge gap lasted for a long time and made me choose not to be close to anyone.
Being alone, blocking out everyone who came near me, because I didn't believe anyone would like me for who I really was and being afraid to open up to people in college.
It's frustrating to think about that time, because there are still very clear images in my mind of many good friends.
"Pi, you want to go to dinner together?"
"No..."
"So, you're free this afternoon, right?"
"I am free after taking care of the Painted Fish Club..."
"Let's go to the movies this afternoon, then?"
"No..."
Or when a friend invites me to go somewhere together.
"Pi, you wanna come along for the ride?"
"No..."
"I haven't even said where we're going to play."
"So, where's the fun going?"
"It's going to be a boring Saturday, any interest in going to the new cafe but you'll have to take beautiful pictures for us."
"Then I won't go."
In the eyes of my friends, all I have in my life is "no" That's one word.
'Pi'
'No'
'No, I haven't asked yet. '
'That's it, reject it first. '
Until a long time had passed, when I realized, that I had no friends left around.
Maybe it's because of the attitude I display, that's why they don't dare to approach me who tries to close myself off in any way possible. Rejection is not because of lack of desire, it's because they know they are not that important. They only think of me when there's no one else, I'm often their backup. Look at the way I look, the way I dress, the way I behave, no one invites me or thinks of me in the first place.
