BLUE | Bellamy Blake

All I Lov'd

I can't muster up a smile as Lexa says, "You may have your alliance." She says, but her words fall onto deaf ears.

My sister is alive and she just held me at sword point. My sister is alive and she was just okay with killing me.

I feel my breathing beginning to speed up, so I mutter, "I need some air," and practically jump down the ladder and out of the dropship. Bile rises in my throat as I'm met with the destruction that we caused. That I caused.

"Hailey." Bellamy says from being me, but all I can do turn around. No words are spoken as he sets his hands on my face. "What can I do?"

I shake my head as my lip quivers. "She's my sister." I gasp, a tear falling from my eye.

His eyebrows furrow. "Lexa?" I shake my head. "The other girl with the blonde hair?" I nod. "That's Riv?" Another nod. "Shouldn't..." His voice trails off. "Shouldn't you be happy?"

My face crumbles as more tears threaten to fall. "She was okay with killing me in there, Bell." I look at the ground. "When Lexa gave a command, she obeyed it, no matter what, even if it meant killing me."

He's silent before he sets his forehead against mine. "You haven't seen her in years and that time you thought she was dead." He murmurs, anger lacing his words. "And she is ready to kill you at any command."

I recollect myself, standing up straight and wiping my eyes. "She's a grounder Bellamy, they aren't that great with emotions." I say before offering him a small smile and walking back into he dropship.

I don't hear him walk behind me so I assume that he stays outside.I shove my emotions down as I enter the dropship. I catch sight of Lexa as she stands, talking to Clarke. My eyebrows furrow as I notice a small gleam in her eyes. Perhaps admiration?

I have to glance away when I feel a small smile tug at my lips. My eyes catch Riv's and I see the regret there, in her brown eyes. I don't say anything before turning away, my heart shielded behind walls of cement and steel.

I barricade my heart, not willing my emotions and hurt to show on my face. She doesn't know me, not anymore.

A thought crosses my mind that causes my eyebrows to pinch together.

Maybe I don't even know myself.

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Lexa agreed to let Clarke meet with her about the alliance as I didn't have it in me to go. My soul ached with the reminder of my mother's screams as she was dragged away.

"Watch after your sister, Arlo!" She screams, her arms flailing around her as men drag her by her torso into the chamber. "Maxwell," She says, addressing the guard that flanks her left. "I'm an engineer, you need me."

He pauses before he glances away. "I'm sorry, Coralie." He murmurs, before sealing the door.

"Mum!" I scream, unrelentingly fighting against the hold my sister has on me. Tears fall down my cheeks as I watch her place her hand on the glass separating us and I lose it.

I slam my elbow into my sister's nose, making her let go of me and I dart forward. With tears streaming down my face, I place my hand against hers on the glass.

"I love you," She mouths, bringing a shaking hand to her lips, kissing it and pressing it onto the glass.

I nod, not trusting my voice.

She smiles before I watch as she is pulled out into the nothingness of space and beyond.

A tear escapes my eye and I quickly move to wipe it away.

"All I loved," I quote. "I loved alone." I murmur.

"Edgar Allen Poe." I hear a voice say behind me. I turn and my eyes widen.

"Elliot?" I gasp, laughing. "How?" I ask, my excitement wavering.

He smiles, his lips crooked and his eyes wrinkling. My lips wobble as my eyes flicker all over his face, memorising every inch of it.

"You're dreaming, Hails." He murmurs before setting his hand on my cheek.

I lean into his touch, a tear slipping out of my eye. "I miss you so much, El." I mutter, my voice breaking.

A sad smile pulls at his lips as he nods. "I know."

"I love you." I murmur.

His smile becomes thin. "I know, Hails." His bottom lip wobbles.

"My sorrow, I could not awaken." He murmurs, his eyes closing as he recites a poem I used to murmur during the first month of him coming to the skybox. "My heart to joy at the same tone." He pauses, his eyes opening. "And all I lov'd—I lov'd alone." He sighs, watching me.

"Your sadness is seeping out of every scar and wound you have, Hailey." He murmurs, tracing his thumb across my cheek. "It's like a bad dream that you can't wake from, but just know that you are not alone." He enforces, his voice growing heavy and murky.

"Elliot?" I murmur, my eyes widening as he begins to fade.

"You're waking up, Hails." He murmurs before I feel a jolt to my bones. "WAKE UP."

I gasp as I awaken, sitting up straight in my cot.

I look over at Bellamy's sleeping form and my heart cracks. Maybe Elliot was right.

"Maybe I'm not alone." I murmur before I slide out of my bed and walk quietly over to his and slide in next to him.

I feel him stir as he feels the bed dip. "You okay?" He asks, eyeing my face but stops when he sees the dried tears coating my cheeks. He doesn't pause before wrapping his arms around me.

And that's how we fall asleep. Together. Not alone.

Never alone.

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a/n

hmmmm go read Alone by Edgar Allen Poe

it makes me feel something that I can't even begin to describe

anyway, please eat and drink something <3

- abigail