My Bucky

Chapter 26

At some point in the early hours of the morning I'm awakened by movement next to me. I look over at Bucky and his entire body is tense and he's moving around like a fish out of water.

"Buck." I reach out and touch his chest.

His eyes open and his body goes still. I pull my hand away and give him a few minutes to catch his breath. His entire body is covered in sweat. "If you want to talk about it I'll listen." I say softly, not knowing if he's fully composed himself.

He reaches for me, pulling my body into his. "I just want him gone." He sighs.

"Me too." I agree.

"Did I scare you?" He asks.

"No. I just wish you could be happy and I know you won't let yourself with this other side of you being there." I frown.

"He'll never go away. He'll always be there threatening to break out. That's why I don't deserve you. He'll hurt you the second he gets the chance because he can't stand me being happy." He vents.

"There has to be something we can do." I say optimistically.

His arm tightens around me. I feel him dip his head lower to rest on top of mine. "I'm extremely afraid of him." He whispers. "I didn't know how to put this into words before. I thought you would think I was crazy."

"You're not crazy." I say softly. "You've been through a lot more than any one person can handle. If anything you're the most sane person that could've come from that situation."

"I don't really remember much from before the winter soldier took over. Every time I'm around Steve I get these flashes but they almost never make sense. They give me headaches. But every time it happens I replay the bits I'm given and try to make sense of it. The only thing I know for sure is that he was my best friend and I would've died for him." His voice shakes.

"I'm sorry Bucky. I wish I could help you remember." The thought that he doesn't even know himself makes me sad. I can tell that he's a good person by the way he acts but he has no memories to see it for himself.

"The only good things I've been able to remember about myself are when you were there. I've been trying to just hold onto those but it's scary. What if I was a horrible person before and this is all a sick trick that the winter soldier is putting on to gain your trust before stabbing you in the back?" He lets out a sigh.

"Who you were before we met doesn't matter. You're a good person now. Even the best people can have terrible pasts. The important part is who you are right now and who you want to be in the future." I speak.

"I never want to kill again." He states, his voice much stronger than it has been the rest of our conversation.

I sit up and pull myself from the bed. "I'm going to go get a glass of water." I tell Bucky. He doesn't respond.

I make my way down the long hallway and can't help but wonder who's asleep in all of these other rooms. I assume Wanda, Natasha, and Steve are here but I wonder who the rest are for.

When I enter the kitchen area I notice Tony sitting at the island. Instead of speaking I open a cupboard and take out a glass, filling it with water from the refrigerator.

Tony breaks the silence with a sigh. "Bed not comfortable?" He asks.

"No no it's fantastic I'm just thirsty." I shake my glass, lightly letting the ice cubes bounce of the sides.

"I heard him yelling." He speaks. "Nightmares I assume?"

I swallow a sip of water. "Something like that." I say without telling him exactly. I don't know if Bucky would want the entire world knowing that he has nightmares.

"I've been doing some digging on you two." Tony states. "What's your opinion of Hydra?"

The question catches me off guard. That's a strange thing to ask someone at five in the morning. "They're a terrible organization that just wants to watch the world burn." I respond and take another sip of my water.

"Do you know anyone who works or did work for Hydra?" He presses.

I cross my arms. "Yeah Bucky but that wasn't his choice and you can't hold that against him." I say sternly.

"No one else?" He ignores the attitude.

"No!" I slap my hand on the counter. "Why would I? Do you work for them?" I snap.

He shakes his head and grins. "I just had to ask." A smile takes over his face. "I'm glad to hear that you're not tied up in Hydra's mess. Also my condolences for your father. I'm sure his passing was hard on you." He says the last part more seriously.

"Oh uh thanks. Did you know him before he died?" I ask.

"I mistakenly trusted him with my life." Tony turns his attention back to the screen in front of him.

Before I can ask what he means by trusting my dad was a mistake Bucky enters the room. He makes his way to my side and looks between Tony and I. "Come on Doll. Let's go back to bed." He yawns.

I grab my glass of the counter and follow Bucky. I glance over my shoulder at Tony who isn't phased at all by the previous conversation.

I let the door shut behind us and lock it. Bucky takes a seat at the end of the bed and runs his fingers through his hair. He feels the braid and begins to play with it. "What's wrong?" He asks looking at me.

I take a seat next to him on the bed and put my head in my hands. "Tony just drilled me about being connected to Hydra." I scoff. "Could you imagine that?"

His body stiffens. "I told them that you weren't so that this didn't happen." He grits his teeth.

"What?" I look at him, the confusion clear on my face.

"They have this crazy idea that..." he stops speaking.

"That I work for Hydra?" I guess.

He shakes his head. "No it's not about you. It's about your father." He frowns. "I wasn't going to tell you because I know when you talk about him it hurts you. I've assured them time and time again that you have no connections to those people but they don't believe me. I suppose I wouldn't believe me if I was them. After all I spent so much time with Hydra I could try to protect someone from Hydra."

"My dad worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. He was killed by Hydra." I state for what seems like the hundredth time.

"I know. They have reason to believe he's still alive and with Hydra." He sighs.

I feel my entire body go numb. Has my dad been in a Hydra prison for the last year? Maybe he wasn't a very good dad but no one deserves that. "We have to get him out of there." I speak. "What if they're experimenting on him like they did to you?"

Bucky's face falls. I find myself marching out the door and banging on every door I see. How could the avengers let my dad be taken by Hydra?