My Bucky

Chapter 41

"This is the man responsible for the death of King T'Chaka." Tony says as he puts a photo on the screen. The photo shows what seems to be an average man. I had expected someone far more intimidating.

"His face just screams asshole." Sam says from my left side.

Tony ignores him and hands a copy of the photo to me. "Show this to Peter." He instructs before turning his attention back to his presentation. "If any of you pick up and leads on this guy, notify me immediately." He instructs before flipping to the next slide. "Next we are going to go over the types of places Baron Zemo has been know to visit."

"I have to talk to you after this." Steve whispers to me from the right.

I look at him. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm sorry am I interrupting your discussion?" Tony crosses his arms over his chest.

Steve stands up and joins Tony's side. "Tony this is great but can you just print us out a briefing?"

"I would but I know the only one that would read it would be Vision." Tony rolls his eyes.

"The probably that everyone in this room would read it is..." Vision begins but Tony slaps his hand over Vision's mouth.

"I don't care." Tony sighs. "Rogers I really don't think now is the time." He says quieter.

Sam hunches over and rests his head in his hands. I ignore the movement in hopes to hear more of Tony and Steve's conversation.

"She has to know Tony." He says through his teeth.

I stand up and step between them. "Is it about Bucky?" I ask.

Tony sighs. "No."

I turn my full attention to Steve. "Tell me." I demand.

"They know that you're the one that killed Agent Coulson and they suspect you killed your mother as well." Steve frowns.

I turn to Tony but the way he avoids eye contact tells me that Steve is telling the truth. "Well do they know it was self defense?" I press.

Steve shakes his head. "Unfortunately not. They want you to come down for questioning."

"But I told them that won't be happening because you didn't do anything." Tony cuts in.

"Am I going to go to prison for murder?" I ask.

"No." They say at the same time.

"Look kid," Tony takes off his glasses to look me in the eye. "They were both S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and that complicates things. S.H.I.E.L.D. is a highly secretive organization so from the outside it looks like you took down the head of a Hydra base and his second in command. You look like the good guy."

"Right and they can't force you to answer their questions because in the public eye you're a hero. Not unless they wanted to out the entire organization. " Steve adds.

"So if this doesn't change anything why were you hesitant to tell me?" I look at Tony.

"Speaking from personal experience being labeled a hero puts a target on your back." He speaks. "I've got it completely under control and I didn't want you to worry."

I nod. "I shouldn't be staying with May then. I don't want her being targeted."

Tony nods. "That's the other reason. I didn't want to force you to come back here. It's only been a few days and you seem happy there."

"I don't want to put anyone in danger. If I'm here no one would dare try anything." I counter. "Besides I think Peter is sick of me."

"What?" Steve places a hand on my shoulder.

"It's complicated." I shake my head. "He thinks I'm some sort of emotional bomb that will explode at any minute."

"To be fair you are." Sam speaks.

"Gee thanks." I roll my eyes at him.

"I know what it's like to be held up on something that's gone." Steve sighs. "They're not wrong. You'll go off eventually."

I look around the room and everyone avoids eye contact with me. They all think I'm so shallow that the only thing I care about is Bucky leaving me?

"That's where I'll draw the line." Tony steps in front of me, placing his palm against Steve's chest.

"Oh give it up Tony." Steve rolls his eyes. "We all care about Becca but sometimes people need to hear the hard truth. If I offended you Becca I'm sorry. But I'm in the same boat. I'll never get over Peggy."

I don't look at him. Instead I turn my attention to Tony. "I think it's best that I start on some self defense training." I say. "Just in case."

"I can train you." Natasha speaks.

I look at her and nod. "Thank you."

"We'll have to put out a new training schedule." Tony says as he look around the room. "If anyone would like a different time slot now would be the time to put in your request." He walks out of the room.

"I don't think you're being dramatic." Steve says to me. "I was frozen in ice and when I found Peggy again she was old. It's been hard to accept that I'll never have the life with her I dreamt of for so long. not to mention I finally get Bucky back and have some sort of normalcy only for him to leave too. Bucky is a good person and if leaving us behind was the only way to reconnect with his true self I get it." He turns toward the island, resting both hands on it and letting his head hang between his arms.

"I told him I loved him." I admit. "In response he said he didn't love me so..." I let my sentence trail off. I move to the cupboard that previously held alcohol and pour Steve and I each a shot of tequila.

He takes it quickly, setting his glass back down. "Another." He instructs.

I pour him another shot before taking my own and refilling my glass. He takes the bottle from my hands and begins to fill his own glass much quicker than he fills mine. I'm sure his alcohol tolerance is much higher than mine but the speed he's downing his glasses is still alarming.

Unfortunately for him the more I drink the less I care about his habits. I'm not sure where everyone else has gone and frankly I don't care. I just want to drown in Tony's alcohol with Steve while we both mourn our losses.

I drink to forget my dad.

I drink to forget my mom.

I drink to forget the pain Bucky has left.

I drink for PJ, in hopes that he'll find happiness again on this world.

I drink until everything is blurry and I finally can feel something other than sadness. The calm I feel is unlike anything I've felt in a long time. I never want to lose this feeling.