My Bucky

Chapter 62

"Tony did this?" I say as I use a damp cloth to clean off some of the blood.

"Yeah." Bucky mumbles. "I just can't move past what I've done." His voice sounds defeated.

I set the cloth down on the sink next to me and use both my hands to cup his face. "James Buchanan Barnes you are not a bad person." I tell him sternly. "You've been abused and brainwashed into terrible things but I know you would never have done any of them out of your own free will." I look directly into his eyes.

He leans his head into my hand and closes his eyes. "Doll I can't undo the past." He whispers.

"No one can." I tell him. "But you can change your future and that's what's important." I look back up to the cut on his eyebrow. "Why aren't you healing?"

"He's a Stark. Of course he has some sort of tech to injure a super soldier." Bucky sighs.

I turn around and dig through the cabinet behind me looking for the first aid kit. T'Challa insisted I take it in case something happened to me. Little did we both know Bucky would be the one to need it after all.

I flip the plastic top open to search for butterfly closures. When I find them I take a Q-tip and gently rub some antibiotic ointment on the cut before using the butterfly stitches to hold the wound closed. I end up using two of them. As I placed the first one Bucky winces in pain but let's me continue anyway.

"Thank you." One side of his mouth pulls up slightly into what is almost a smile.

"I love you." I tell him, holding his hand in mine.

"I love you." He leans forward, gently pressing his lips to mine but only for a second before he pulls away.

He stands up from the toilet I asked him to sit on and looks at himself in the mirror. "I really need to change. I'm filthy." He says.

I step out of his way so that he can get to his clothes in the bedroom. As I wait for him I make my way back to the couch. I briefly send PJ an apology text but I don't wait for a reply.

Bucky comes into sight and I give him a small smile. He's changed into some grey sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt. He sits beside me on the couch and slowly moves so that his head is laying in my lap. "I've missed you all day." He tells me.

"I've missed you as well." I respond, running my fingers through his hair. Shockingly it's not overly dirty from the fight.

"How's Zappy?" He asks. His eyes close as I continue to play with his hair.

"I haven't seen her today." I say truthfully. "I'd offer to go now but I don't want you to be stuck here alone."

His lips turn into a smile. "She should be laying right here with us." He pats the small spot of couch beside him.

"Strike says after she's completed her training we can take her." I tell him.

"How long will that be?" He asks.

"Well it's a six week program and we're a little over three weeks in." I tell him.

He lets out a small hum. "Simple, drop out." He says.

I let out a light laugh. "With the life we have she is going to need the training."

His eyes flicker open. "I agree she needs training but shouldn't we be doing it to our needs? Strike's dad trains warrior companions. We just need a dog with a strong will to protect her mom."

I shake my head lightly. "Well if you're going to be making enemies that have the power to override your fast healing she'll need to protect you too."

A genuine smile finally comes to his face. "I've never wanted or had a dog but I'm glad I'm doing it with you." He says sincerely.

"Me too." I respond softly. "Do you want to talk about today?" I ask, hoping he'll tell me what happened.

He nods but keeps his eyes closed. "We met up with everyone and had a huge meal. I talked with Steve for a while before we had to get down to business. Everyone is concerned about an alien race returning and being stronger than ever. I didn't understand it much but T'Challa told me he'd help fill me in along the way. After the meal I took your advice to talk to Tony. I pulled him aside and told him that I want to make amends and be honest now that I'm turning over a new leaf. I told him the winter soldier was responsible for his parents death. I'll never forget the way the color drained from his face. He asked me to explain it all to him and I did. Next thing I know he's hitting me. I stood there and took it because I deserve it. I didn't fight back or try to block myself. I thought that hurting me would help him get closure but he just got angrier and angrier. Steve stepped in to stop him but it ended up taking Steve, Sam, and Natasha to get him restrained and Pepper to distract him. Becca I deserved every second of it. I've hurt so many people by killing their loved ones. They'll never be the same again. Even you can't stand to look at me when you wake up from the nightmares."

I let out a sigh. "My nightmares aren't because I'm afraid of you or hate you or anything like that." I tell him. "It's just hard to see the life fade from the eyes of the only family you've ever known. You didn't kill them. My dad used a weapon in your brain to kill my mom and I killed my dad. I don't blame you at all."

"Becca I hurt you." He sighs. "I tried to kill you."

I shake my head. "That wasn't you. I know you. I know that you love me and would never hurt me."

"But I did." He frowns.

"When I was a prisoner at Hydra they had another you. I don't really know how but he looked exactly like you but when I would look in his eyes there was nothing behind them. It was like a soulless clone." I tell him. "Him I'm afraid of. But when I look into your eyes I see so much emotion and depth. You're not him. You're kind and selfless and you're my Bucky."