My Bucky

Chapter 63

2 months later

I wake up to Zappy's tongue licking my face. Bucky lightly laughs from across the room so I sit up. "I love you too Zappy." I lightly push her to the side and make eye contact with Bucky.

We're finally in a good place. Zappy's training is complete. I have more confidence in using my suit than ever. And it's been three weeks since the Winter Soldier was triggered by the code words. It's like we can finally relax for once.

The first time Bucky was able to hear the code words without the soldier making an appearance his entire demeanor changed. He's been making jokes and showing more love than I've ever seen. It's like for the first time he's actually happy. He's even been going outside and playing games with the Wakandan kids.

Strike at the strong age of thirteen has begun his warrior training. His father couldn't be more proud. His sister Lidda has been helping Marcus run the dog farm. She's eight and as peppy as they come. I was shocked meeting her the first time. Her skin is much lighter than the rest of her family's and her hair is a deep shade of red. She's a big story teller and she spends her evening hours reading to the village's toddlers in the library.

Iri has finally graduated from training. Her warrior recognition ceremony is later today. She insisted Bucky and I come to which we happily accepted. She may still be more talkative and childish than most warriors but T'Challa personally gave her the go ahead to move up in rank.

Since Bucky's anti-hypnosis training was marked as complete neither of us have seen T'Challa or Shuri much. It's a busy time of the year with all of the changes in warriors so I'd expect the royal family to be quite busy. Last we spoke with T'Challa he told us we're welcome to stay in Wakanda until Tony and Bucky are able to make amends.

I've spoken to Tony a handful of times since the incident. His demeanor hasn't changed toward me one bit. He calls to give me advice with the suit and update me on a few of the Avengers whom I've grown to love. He understands why I'm staying in Wakanda with Bucky but he's made it very clear that if I need anything to call and he would personally be here in minutes. I believe he expects Bucky and I'd relationship to go tragically wrong. But the truth is we're stronger than ever.

I still suffer from the nightmares almost every night. Shuri said that they would be less painful with time but I'm not sure how true that is. I have begun controlling my reactions so that I don't wake Bucky. He believes they're gone and I want to keep it that way. He shouldn't feel sorry for something completely out of his control. Zappy is always there to keep me company when I wake up. She usually curls up in a ball next to my chest so that I can hug her.

I talk to PJ once a week. The shelter is doing better than ever. They've tripled their intake in the last six months. He told me that May is considering opening a second shelter and leaving that one to him. He also told me he met a girl named Gwen. He said she looks just like his Gwen and when he first saw her he nearly passed out. They talk every day and have gone out on a few dates but nothing is official yet. He insists that Bucky and I join them on a double date when we return to New York. Unfortunately we don't know when or if that'll ever happen. I haven't even mentioned it to Bucky anyway.

I usually talk with PJ when Bucky goes to his weekly meeting with T'Challa. I'm not sure what they're meeting for but I trust that Bucky will tell me when and if he's ready. I'm not hiding anything from Bucky. It's just hard to focus on anything else when I know I can spend my time with him.

These last few weeks I don't think we've ever been lazier. We've binged more Netflix shows than I can even remember to list. Bucky is the kind of person that will talk hypothetical theories all day about tv and movie plots, but is closed off when talking about himself.

Don't get me wrong. He's more open now than he's ever been. But sometimes I can see him trying to put those walls back up and I just have to accept that and trust that he'll tell me when he's comfortable.

The last few days I have spent listening to Bucky. He's been telling me about his memories from being the Winter Soldier. He says it helps him accept that part of him but my heart breaks every time he has to recall those "missions." He tells me about how my father or one of the other Hydra leaders sent him to kill JFK and other big unsolved cases. I'm glad he trusts me to vent to me like this. It must be so hard watching yourself kill another person and you can't even stop yourself. I chose to kill my father and that still haunts me. This just seems like it would be much worse.

~~~~

When Bucky notices I am awake a smile takes over his face. "Good morning Doll." He says softly.

"Morning." I respond with a yawn.

"I was thinking we could take a walk to the waterfall today." He suggests. "It's been a while and I'd love to go before leaves fall."

I nod. "I'd love that." I stand up and walk over to him, kissing the top of his head. "I'll have to shower and we can do a breakfast picnic."

His arm wraps around me waist and he looks up at me. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He whispers.

I lean down, briefly kissing his lips. "I'd like nothing more." I respond before heading to the bathroom.