Oblivion Of The Heart

Chapter 2 - Fine Alone

Chapter 2 - Fine Alone

Esperanza meant hope, but it was nothing more than a name. My life never gave me any hope. I was hopeless, to begin with.

Esperanza's starry blue eyes gazed intently at the moon outside of the window. It was past midnight, nevertheless, she didn't fall asleep. To be more precise, she had insomnia. Falling asleep without resurfacing her previous life's memories through dreams had always been rare. She didn't wish to remember them.

As the moon shimmered within the navy sky, she suddenly recalled one of the novels she had read. 'Oath of the moon', was the only novel she had ever read till the finale.

The novel talks about Listeria, the female lead who was born the devil's half-daughter. She grew under her father's cruel teaching, which she loathed. She never wanted to kill people, but she had to for survival. That is until she was forced to kill her cousin and she finally runs away on a rainy night.

When she reaches the empire, she starts working as a maid at the royal palace. One day, the high priest of the church, as well as the male lead was visiting the palace and meeting her. He found her suspicious- a maid who had blisters in her hand, whose footsteps were light like an assassin and her face also resembled someone he knew. He suspected her of being a spy and approached her to find out. Listeria, even though didn't wish to kill innocent people, she was not the saintess type. She knew why the high priest approached her and wished to slice his head off. But she knew her boundaries. The story progresses with tragedy and ends with them marrying.

The novel's always made her envious. She felt envious of the female leads who achieved their happy endings. Yet, simultaneously, it gave her hope. The hope that in the end, happiness would be waiting for her. But what was her ending? 

She shut her eyes tight and curled herself into a ball as the cool breeze of the midnight blew by. She knew she wouldn't fall asleep, but she just wanted to close her eyes and fall into the darkness she once had fourteen years ago.

The Next Morning

With a quill, which was dipped in ink, in her hand she started copying down the notes her tutor was giving her during the lecture.

"So" Her tutor, Amos, settled his spectacles and asked, his hawk-like eyes staring at her. "Is my lady clear with the lecture?"

"Yes, teacher," Esperanza responded.

"Good, I don't think I need to ask any questions?" He chuckled.

"No..."She yawned. "Or maybe yes? I don't care."

"I see you didn't sleep yesterday night too?" Amos asked as he took a seat beside her.

"Yes." She said. Amos, being her tutor since she was five, could also be considered her physician. He made medical training but still, he became a teacher, which she never understood. Her father the duke had him assigned to her. He was only the one, well except two other people, to know about her insomnia. A duke's daughter cannot have imperfectness, and even if she had, the word should never be spread.

Amos let out a sigh. " I tried prescribing you medicines, but they still didn't work?" Esperanza nodded her head.

"Is that so? I think I'll have to research more..." Amos clutched his engagement ring, the sign he was nervous. Esperanza wasn't thankful for the fact that everybody cared and worried about her. This made the world only more unfamiliar than it already was. She didn't want anyone to care about her.

I don't need anybody. I'm always fine alone, she thought with gritted teeth.

"About the duke's return... Are you fine about it?" Amos asked with concerned eyes. Concerned eyes.... the ones she wanted to see the most in her previous life. But what did she receive? Eyes filled with hostility and disgust.

"Yes, since he's my father." She responded and forced herself to distract from the resurfacing memories.

"Yes, how could I forget that?" He chuckled and looked out at the sky. "Oh, look at the time now. It's evening. I guess I'll go back for today. Make sure to revise your notes, hmm?"

"Yes, yes." Esperanza nodded her head. Amos placed a small bottle in front of her, with green liquid inside. Seeing it, she realized it was a potion. Potions are quite valuable in this era, and selling one could earn you a lifetime's fortune.

"A potion." Amos said. "It will help you for the time being. Then I'll take my leave."

Esperanza's empty eyes stared at the potion kept in front of her as Amor left. She forced herself to unclench her clenching fists. She grabbed the potion and smashed it at the table, green liquid spilling on the floor.

"I don't need it..." She muttered. "I don't need sympathy. I don't need pity. I don't need your concern. Get out of my sight."

'Even if the world cares for me now, I'll never care for it. I was and will always be fine alone.'