[Ongoing]
"Why is being myself harder than anything?"
Qing Lin closed her eyes. A girl whose smile gave off the effulgence which seemed to light the diminished world around her. A girl who held such purity in a world surrounded by happiness. A girl...
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Chapter 42
"Hello! What's up today? It's rare to see you arrive at the classroom this early, Esperanza." Morto popped up beside them.
"Just in the mood," Esperanza responded curtly. She could only describe this person in one single sentence- Morto, who was supposedly her childhood friend, but not exactly hers, was annoying. His mood always hits off way too bright, and she despised overly vivacious and enthusiastic people. What exactly did Qing Lin like about him, to keep him as her friend for the past years? But at the very least... she observed him, who tilted his head cluelessly and smiled. At the very least, she had kept an efficacious person beside her.
"What's with that smile? Are you planning some devious scheme against me?" He shrank back but she continued to smile and shook her head.
Efficacious, and a foolish lackey. It'll be worth tolerating his aggravating personality.
After the fourth period, during the break, everybody ardently rushed toward the cafeteria. Esperanza, Athlos Hiver, and Morto mingled among the crowd, talking amongst themselves. Amid the crowd, someone pushed Morto in a matter of rush, and he ended up stumbling and bumping into another person. Morto managed to regain his balance, however, the person fell. He swiftly helped the person to her feet, and finally, Esperanza had a good look at her face.
It was her cousin, Lapine Fortiter, from her mother's family. Lapine was startled for a moment and sceptically took Morto's hand.
"I'm_ I'm sorry!" She apologized as she bowed.
"Why're you apologizing? It was me who stumbled into you, so I should be the one to apologize." Morto said, "I apologize, miss, are you alright?" He asked. Lapine timidly nodded her head.
"I'm fine. Thank you for your concern." She bowed again and walked past them. Esperanza kept gazing at her figure, which was slowly receding. For a moment, she had seen that girl- Lapine's face blush.
"What're you staring at?" Morto asked curiously.
"Nothing." She turned, and together, the three of them presumed to head toward the cafeteria.
Perhaps it was an illusion because there is no way that is possible.
The foremost reason why the cafeteria is perpetually crowded is that both the first years and second years come to eat at this certain place- there is only one cafeteria in the building. It is a sort of gathering for the seniors and juniors to meet and interact with each other. The cafeteria was large with around 40 tables having twelve chairs each. And that was the major reason Esperanza abhorred that place- there was no place for privacy. Her head ached as she could hear the ardent girls around her gossiping loudly. Unexpectedly, one of them approached her.
"Lady Esperanza, is it true you're engaged to Young Duke Lev because you like him?" The girl asked. Esperanza's hand which was holding the spoon faltered for a moment. Her grip on the spoon tightened. Morto watched her hand secretly tremble silently. She looked at the girl with a smile.
"Yes, I like him." She said those words, the words she didn't wish to utter once again. The girl gasped and turned towards her friends. Meanwhile, the princess remained silent as well, as though the atmosphere between the three had taken an awkward turn after that question. As Esperanza finished the food on her plate, she looked sideways and noticed something that made her regret turning her head.
Lev Letale Obscurité had just taken his food and was waving with an affectionate smile towards his sister, Précieuse. Esperanza's expression twisted, and she promptly stood up.
"Where are you going?" The princess asked, surprised.
"Just... I think I forgot something back in the classroom. I think I'll go get it." She smiled reassuringly at the princess. With every step, her pace became faster, and until she was out of everyone's sight, she ran toward the solitary classroom. She closed the door behind her and gasped for breath. She felt a terrible agony in her chest and was short of air.
She remembered his face, his affectionate smile. His smile had been genuinely compassionate and considerate at that moment.
That smile had only existed for Précieuse.
All of her life, she had lived under a delusion, that it was for her as well. But it was never for her. Never for her, whom he had claimed to love, whose hand he had so tenderly held, his caresses the most tranquilizing touch in the entire world.
Why had she been such a fool, to never realize it?
Inexplicably, without even realizing it, she was already crying. Her sobs were the only thing that echoed in the desolate room.
"Why is it like that I still seem to love you, even after everything you've put me through?!" Her voice was choked with her sobs. She couldn't help but recall it- all the relished memories that had been lost to time. Those delicate times had shattered away as swiftly and easily as they had come.
Because it was all a lie.
Esperanza laughed when she heard his voice so vividly once again, that voice which was once the most euphonious, had turned so hateful and cruel in a matter of seconds.
"Yeah... It was all a fucking lie. But my feelings for you were so damned true. But now...."
The last remnants of this lie which yet lingers in the back of my mind and these true feelings for you.
"All of it needs to be ended. Nothing can waver my resolution. Nothing can stop me. And if it does... I'll destroy it."
