Oblivion Of The Heart

Chapter 50 - A Sin

Chapter 50

At last, Esperanza chose a satin blue dress with pink laces and a few sapphires embedded in it. As the designer left the room, Athlos Hiver and Esperanza were left alone along with the dresses. Esperanza was still staring at the wedding dress. Athlos Hiver was trying to hold back her anger.

"What do you mean by this?" She asked, trying her hardest to not raise her voice.

"What do I mean? Precisely, nothing much. Just a way of passing time," Esperanza said, impassively.

"Just a way of passing time?! Are you insane?!" Athlos Hiver raised her voice, and then, bit her lips with the realization of her previous action.

"Have I ever been sane? No, from the beginning, I was not in my right mind," Esperanza chuckled, as she looked at Athlos Hiver. "But right now, I'm in my right mind."

"How are you in your right mind? Your servants, undoubtedly have witnessed this scene. Now, malicious rumors would spread, 'Lady of the Ilamas Duchy is having a secret affair, is preparing for a marriage with her lover, and has brought a wedding dress to satiate her longing for their togetherness!' If people initiate to believe this nonsense, then the young duke might bring you up to the court for cheating against you, when you were the one who proposed to him first! And people would surely believe, because why else would an unmarried, engaged noble lady bring a wedding dress when her marriage with her fiancé is three years later?"

"Fret not, if that is what you worry," Esperanza laughed as she stood up. "Nobody, excluding that designer and her employees will know that I brought a wedding dress today, because..." She approached that dress and caressed one of its ribbons, her hands enjoying the pleasure of its softness, yet simultaneously stiff at the memory, that this very dress, once was her wedding dress. That she had worn this very dress, and that this beautiful, seemingly pure crystal dress was stained red that day.

"It'll cease to exist from today," She pulled apart its ribbon, and the dress fell from its stand. Athlos was startled and perplexed. Esperanza smiled maliciously and stepped upon the white dress, stamping and crushing it with her heels.

Ranza, look, this is the wedding dress I chose for you. It's beautiful, isn't it?

The wedding dress, which was once as white as the snow in this season, was now lying ragged on the floor, covered in dirt and food stains. Its diamond was crushed miserably and lay scattered on the floor. It was a scene of ruins.

"Yes, it's very beautiful, Lev,"

...

Athlos Hiver splashed the cold water of the tap on her face.

"My Lady, the bath has been prepared," One of the servants informed her, and she nodded. She excused her servants and slid into the bathtub. The water was ice cold, even in winter. She sneered. No doubt, they wanted to torture her in any way or other. But, over the years, she had developed a resistance to such circumstances and managed to get through without breaking down.

The demon was categorized based on their emotional stability. There were three main races, Inhumane, Humane, and The Balanced. The Inhumane tended to be completely emotionless and insensitive, while the Humane were too warm and fragile. The Balanced were the ones who could mask themselves as both and had a proper division of each emotion in them; not very soft, not very harsh. But The Balanced were the rarest ones. The majority of the demons were Inhumane, while a handful of them were unfortunately born Humane and only once in a century was a Balanced one born.

The current demon king and the queen were from the Inhumane side, while their son, the demon crown prince was a Balanced, and Athlos Hiver was born a humane. Her gender was already a sin, but being a humane caused an uproar because a humane in a royal family was bound to be ostracized. These two flaws ruined her entire life.

Being born a humane, she mulled over and deeply felt each person's betrayal. At the beginning of her ostracization and ill-treatment, she was heartbroken. But over time, she taught herself to deal with it and pretend as if she never cared. But heart in heart, she cared, and that's why she hated her emotional stability.

Tears rolled down her eyes, but she just drowned further in the ice-cold water. Being a demon, she couldn't drown to death and breathe underwater flawlessly. Tears continued rolling down, very silently as her body trembled. But the tears mingled with the water, and when she would be out of the bathtub, nobody would ever know if it was the bath water on her face or the tears. Her cry would always remain a whisper, unseen and unheard, even by the ones closest to her. That is how a humane royal must live, be weak only heart in heart, but never in front of anyone.

She finished her bath and dried her long hair with a towel. As she was drying them, she stared blankly at them. How she longed to cut her hair, but she knew that she would never be able to until her last breath.

Her gender was already a sin. Being born a boy was already a sin.

Yes, she was not a girl. She, rather, He, was born a boy. This revelation was a catastrophe for him. In the initial years of his life, he had lived in oblivion, never knowing that he, who was always dressed up as a girl, taught to live as a girl, was actually a boy. This revelation hit him like a slap when he was seven. It was when his nanny, exasperated with serving him, slipped it out of her mouth during one of her periodic outbursts.

Why do I have to serve someone like you? Not a proper salary, and not to mention those awful glances and snickers from my friends! If only your goddamn mother would've told the entire world you were a boy, you would've been killed- then and there, and I would've been living a better life!

That point was the turning point of his life. From the moment he knew this, he couldn't help but desire the way the other boys lived- the girl's etiquette he was learning was becoming intolerable day by day. But of course, before freedom, survival was his topmost priority. The hair he had always wished to cut, the dresses he never wished to wear- ironically, they were the ones that helped him survive. Once these will be lost- bam! He'll be dead in no time.

His gender was a sin. His existence was a sin.

It was funny how you can become a sin, when you've never actually sinned.