A Handful of Daffodils (Forgotten Series, #7)

Chapter Fifty

A few days later

"Come on, little miss, you love this stuff." I tried to move the spoon for Maeve to eat but she just rubbed her fists on her face and fussed. "What's wrong?" I set the spoon down and she continued to fuss, her bottom lip sticking out and trembling as she rubbed at her cheeks.

She looked so sad and it broke my heart. "Sa, sa, sa." She was very intent with that babble but I didn't know what it meant to give her what she wanted. I let out a sigh and set the spoon and puree down before I grabbed the damp cloth and wiped her cheeks and her hands before I got her out of her high chair.

"I wish I knew what was wrong, sweetheart." I bounced her slightly and she slowly stopped fussing but just clung to me, rubbing her face on my shirt. "Are you cutting another tooth?" I brushed her strawberry blond hair back, feeling for a fever but she rubbed her face harder into my shirt, her little hands tightening into fists, holding onto the fabric. "Do you want to go for a bit of a walk? You remember I bought some flowers for your mumma's grave, we can go see her." I rubbed at her back as I carried her over to the small closet off to the side of the front door. I crouched down and grabbed her small jacket, some mittens, her boots, and a toque before sitting her down.

She immediately started crying as I put the cold weather gear on her and I shushed her as best as I could, trying to wrestle her into the jacket and get it zipped up. Once she was fully in her gear I grabbed my own jacket and slipped it on before picking her up. She gave shaky inhales and exhales and I gently wiped at her face. "I know, sweetheart. I'm sorry. We will go see your mumma and give her the flowers and then we can cuddle for a bit once we get home." I moved to the kitchen counter and grabbed the flowers from the counter top before slipping on my boots and heading out the door.

The air was brisk and I made sure Maeve was tucked close to my chest as I started across the yard. I didn't really know what to do, to be honest. The house still didn't feel right, in fact it felt worse than it ever had. Maeve was constantly fussing and seemed to have more bad days than good and I didn't understand why. Then I felt rather like shit. I didn't know where it was coming from but I felt hollowed out and going through the motions more than anything else. Like a type of malaise that I couldn't shake. It didn't make any sense. I got what I wanted, I did.

"Sa, sa, sa." Maeve fussed it out and I shushed her gently patting her back as she pressed her face into my neck with a shuddering exhale.

"I know, baby girl. I've got you, daddy's got you." I did but at the same time I felt like I was failing, like my own mood was spilling out over onto her and that was what was making her so fussy and upset. I didn't like it. I hated how everything had changed. She was gone and then she came back different and I didn't know how to cope with that. She was eight months old, eight. I lost so much time with her and it was time I could never get back.

I just wished things were different. I just wished things at home were back to how they had been. The house felt empty and hollow, it was like it didn't feel like home anymore. I hated that feeling. It had also been difficult because I had to fight against my instincts and even my wolf when it came to thoughts of Menza. She was on the territory, in another male's home, and I wasn't allowed physical access. I had told Mike I wanted to maintain control and he gave me that but when I had approached him asking to see her, because I wanted to ensure she was still on the territory, he told me that wasn't a good idea because she was sick and on bed rest.

I had intensely hated the faint worry I got that urged me to ask what was wrong. I had bit it off and told Mike that she was still my property and I got to say when I saw her or not and he agreed that she was but reiterated that she was sick and it was better to minimize the amount of people she was in contact with to let her recover. He had then asked me to not ask to see her anymore because he didn't have time for 'facilitating meetings' when I still wasn't in control of my anger. Which had impressed me exactly zero. She was my property, she was mine, and he was essentially barring me access to her.