A Handful of Daffodils (Forgotten Series, #7)

Chapter Sixty: Part Two

I was barely aware of where I was going or who I was going to. It was like my body had been put on autopilot and I was left to simply watch. It was like I had taken a back seat to my own life as I moved through the trees and finally came to a familiar house. I climbed up the stairs, adjusting a fussing Maeve in my arms before I knocked on the door. I felt a bit more present as the cold bit at my skin and when the door opened and Mike's female looked up at me I blinked and was back.

"What do you need?" She glanced at me and I looked down at Maeve. My sweet, precious Maeve that Menza nearly gave her life for.

Coma.

She had been in a fucking coma.

"Can you-" My voice cracked and my eyes burned. I cleared my throat, trying to work around the lump I felt lodged in it. "Can you watch her for a bit?" I held out Maeve and she took her with an almost concerned look.

"Sure. I can watch her for a bit. Are you okay?" The question was pointed and I gave a faint nod, looking at the siding of Mike's house. I couldn't look at her. I couldn't look at her and see Maeve again. I was the worst sort of fucking male. "Duffy gave me an update a few minutes ago about Menza, do you want me to give it to you?" That hit me like a punch to the stomach. All those fucking updates I demanded because I felt it was my due. I nearly closed my eyes as I swallowed again and again, trying to keep the bile from escaping.

I gave a quick shake of my head before I turned and walked away. I couldn't stay there. I couldn't look at it all. I had to leave. Maeve was in good hands, I knew Mike's female would take care of her because I could barely bring myself to touch her. I had blood on my hands and it was a stain I knew I couldn't wash out no matter how hard I tried.

I hadn't the fucking decency to count.

I swallowed again and then again, my eyes going a bit blurry as tears prickled at them. I shook my head again and again as I walked through the trees. I needed to go home. I needed to go home and figure out what the fuck I was going to do to fix what happened, what I allowed to happen, what I gave permission to happen. I had felt so fucking satisfied. That was enough to make me heave slightly as I stopped. I leaned against a close tree and heaved again and then again.

"You okay?" Mike's voice was low and I shook my head rapidly. "Dana said you looked off but you look like fucking shit." I nodded before closing my eyes and inhaling slowly through my nose.

A coma, she had been in a fucking coma.

She had been injured so badly, so fucking badly, that it put her into a fucking coma.

I heaved again and then again and Mike said nothing and silence stretched as I stopped heaving and leaned against the tree, rubbing at my eyes and baring my teeth. "You looked in the box didn't you?" The question nearly broke me and I nodded, blinking rapidly as that lump in my throat grew as I heaved out breaths, my throat raw before a sob caught me off guard. I tried to fight against it but it was like a dam broke.

I cried. I sobbed hard. I sobbed for what I had done, for how Menza must have felt, for what I allowed to have happen to her. She was a sweet female, a kind female, one who would give you everything she had if you needed it. She was a dutiful female, a sweetheart that deserved the world and I essentially gave Regan the power to brutalize her.

I had done that. No one else. This was on me. I allowed myself to be manipulated. I allowed myself to fall into the anger. I allowed myself to believe in fucking delusions rather than reality. So yes, I had looked in the box and Mike had been right. It contained reality, a harsh and brutal reality that made me feel like I was cracking on the edges. It made me feel like I was splintering with the regret and shame I felt. I had believed lies over the truth, delusions over reality, and I had punished Menza when she has been so fucking happy to see me. I could see that now. She had come running to me. She hadn't hid, hadn't done anything but run to me, so happy she was crying. And I yelled at her until she flinched.