A Handful of Daffodils (Forgotten Series, #7)

Chapter Fifty-Five

I had found it hard to breathe when Dana took me inside and left me to gather the kids and send them upstairs. I had grabbed the edge of the sink and had bent my head, trying to breathe through the crushing weight in my chest. It was hard. I wanted to cry. My throat hurt, my head hurt, everything hurt. I wanted to ask Mene why? Why did those things keep happening to me? I wanted to know what it was that I had done to deserve it all.

I knew it was my fault. All of the mess was my fault, the Delta came over because of me, I was only with Dana because Brochan hated me, and Brochan hated me because I made a lot of mistakes the day the rogues attacked that resulted in him missing two months of Maeve's life. Each step of the way I was the catalyst, I was the issue.

All of it was my fault.

Every single bit of it.

And it made me want to cry. It truly did and it made my chest tighten and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't understand what I had done to deserve it all. I must have had thousands of sins upon my soul, lingering from past lives. That was the only thing I could think of. As if the mundane idea of karma was simply catching up to me over my life time.

The only thing I struggled with as a cause was the Delta. I wondered if I had done something to the Delta, had worn something wrong, had done anything to catch his interest but I couldn't find anything. I didn't know why he was so intent on me, why he wanted to hurt me. My eyes burned and I gasped for air, struggling to breathe through that squeezing vice around my chest. He had hurt me. I didn't like thinking about that night, thinking about Brochan finding me at Altia and all that happened but the Delta had hurt me but it hadn't been enough for him.

He wanted more. He wanted everything.

I pressed my hand to my stomach and closed my eyes as I tightened my grip on the sink, giving a rather stuttering inhale. I knew, deep down, he wouldn't be happy until I was dead. I didn't know how I knew but something inside me told me that was the end I would have. And he would make it brutal. Tears fell from my eyes, making hot, burning trails down my cheeks.

I wanted to say no, wanted to fight against it but Brochan was my only protection against that end and he hated me. I hadn't seen him in the last two weeks, at all. He had been so angry and upset and I didn't know what he was feeling to gauge what I needed to do to ensure he didn't revoke his protection. He was the only thing between me and a death that looked at me with a cold and sinister gaze and called me horrible things. My only form of protection hated me and I balance on a razor's edge and had no control over when I would fall and a part of me told me I would. It was inevitable. Brochan would revoke his protection and I would be free for the Delta to take. For all I knew, he already could have and that was why the Delta came.

I swallowed hard and the sound of Dana coming down the stairs had me swallowing harder and wiping at my face, trying to hide the stickiness. "They are in their toy room. I'll definitely need to snuggle with them later." Dana's voice was strained as she came into the kitchen and I sniffled slightly.

"I'm sorry." I wheezed it out, the lump in my throat growing, making it even harder to breathe. The kids had been scared. I had brought that into their home. I was the reason the Delta had barged in. I was the reason they were now upset and shook up.

"Oh Menza." Dana's voice was soft and she moved across the kitchen quickly, her skirt swishing around her as she came over. She grabbed my shoulder and turned me, pulling me into a tight hug. "This is not your fault. Not a single bit of it. You have nothing to apologize for!" She rubbed at my back and I gasped for air and struggled, the panic growing inside me, the squeezing becoming unbearable.