A Handful of Daffodils (Forgotten Series, #7)

Chapter Eighty-Eight

The house of cards had fallen. A bottom one had been flicked away, sending it all crashing down. The other shoe had dropped and that feeling of something bad coming I had been feeling for weeks had been fulfilled.

I sat on the stairs to the porch for most of the night. I wasn't quite sure where I was supposed to go or how I was to move forward. I deserved everything Menza had thrown at me, it was more than deserved and had been a long time coming, I wasn't stupid enough to deny that. I wasn't, I just wanted to let her know that I hated and regretted what had been done to her and that the night Isla had been born it had been about her, always about her and my fear of losing her.

I felt so much shame and regret for letting them do that to her, not because she had been pregnant with our Isla but because she didn't deserve it. It had been my mistakes, my inability to listen that had allowed her to be punished like she had been. It only added to the upset when I had realized she had been pregnant but that was not the only reason I was upset and regretted it. However I could see why she would think that way. Why she would believe it of me. What type of male allows that to happen? What type of male doesn't listen? Doesn't believe a female under his protection?

A horrible male. And I should know, I was one.

I hung my head as I clasped my hands between my knees. The weight on my shoulders was immense and I deserved every ounce of it. I wanted to let Menza know how I felt but I knew it wouldn't be welcome and I knew I didn't deserve to do that. I was lower in rank than her now, my fight with Simon marking me as a lower classed male, one who defiled females above his rank with thoughts of impunity. I deserved it but I wanted to let her know that the night our Isla was born, when she nearly died, that I was lost at the thought of losing her. I wanted to let her know that when she stopped breathing it felt like my world was ending and the earth had dropped out from underneath my feet. That if she would have died they would have had to bury me right next to her in the ground.

"They taste bitter, don't they?" At the question and the voice I looked upwards. The Head Priestess from Altia stood before me, her robes a soft dove grey and I blinked, wondering for a moment if she was an apparition but she was still there when I opened my eyes. "The regrets." She said the words and I nodded slowly. They were, bitter, heavy, and unbearable to realize, they had been for a long time but that veil I had covered them with, to be happy with Menza, had been yanked down, exposing them in their horrible glory. "A cold comfort for you as you rest at the bottom for that long fall." She moved closer and I watched almost warily as she turned and sat beside me on the porch stairs. "Feel guilty?" At the question I nodded. I felt more than guilty and I had for a long, long time. Except now I couldn't pretend that it was okay, I couldn't hide behind the fact that Menza was happy with me because she wasn't and I didn't deserve her to be.

I wondered what she was doing there, why she had sought me out. "Does Alpha Jace know you're here?" I wondered if there were any laws about the Head Priestess trespassing. Could she trespass? Was it something an Alpha could even get upset about?

"It is late and would be rude to wake him up. Besides, I am not here for him." She tilted her head, looking up at the moon.

"Then why are you here?" I asked it low and she tilted her head the other way.

"The reason is neither here nor there." She gave a rather slow but flippant gesture with her hand.

"What is it Mene wishes, then?" There had to be a reason for her arrival, for her showing up the night of Simon marking me as he had. A tainted male, unworthy. I had to carry those marks, that badge, for the rest of my life and I knew I deserved it. I knew I did. I rubbed my hands together as I stared at the ground.

"It is not Mene who sends me." I could feel her glancing at me but when I looked at her she was once again looking up at the sky. A rather awkward silence filled the air between us but I had to wonder if it was just awkward for me because she didn't seem to be bothered at all by it. "Mene doesn't like you, you know." She said it rather bluntly and I looked at her with confusion.