[THIS BOOK CONTAINS MATURE THEMES WHICH IS ACCEPTABLE FOR 18+ READERS ONLY]
"Yes?" His deep voice growls. It's so deep, so velvety. I can feel myself getting aroused. Aroused in ways I've never felt before.
"I was told to come and speak to you abou...
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Jackson Blake's POV
Anxiety and panic rushed through my body, it was like I couldn't breathe, like someone had sucked the oxygen from my body. The bed was empty. The more I sleep next to the Alpha, the more attached I get to him. If you'd asked me last year if I was scared of waking up alone, I'd have given you a strange look and answered honestly, no. Now, here I am, shaking and panicked as a scramble to get down the stairs.
There he was. Standing in the kitchen, his chest naked and shorts hung low against his hips. His tattoos cover his body, his black hair is messy on his head and his muscles flex as he moves to each counter. He wasn't paying attention to me but he knew I was there. He'd no doubt heard me and sensed my panic, but he chose to ignore me. I didn't mind because once the relief settled inside me, its all I could feel. It's the first time the anxiety and panic of waking up alone has gotten this bad. It's as though I'm so used to him leaving, that now I panic when I don't know where he is. Is this what it means to have abandonment issues?
The shaking had stopped, my heart calmed and my chest didn't feel so tight. I took a seat at the breakfast bar, my mind racing with what had just happened. Before meeting Slater, I'd never felt anxiety or had a panic attack. Had he caused this? Somehow that didn't feel true. I know he's left me more time than I can count, but somehow I think my mum caused this. She was the one who left me and she never came back. Is that why I'm so scared? Do I subconsciously fear that Slater will do the same? That he'll leave and he won't come back?
He's triggering all these emotions inside me and I can't help how much that scares me. I told him I loved him. The last person I loved was my mum and when she left me, I ended up spending the next 14 years of my life alone and struggling to connect with those around me. I managed to connect with someone and I was stupid enough to choose an emotionless Alpha. I've unlocked my emotions to him and forced him to take my bleeding heart in his unwelcoming hands. I've laid myself bare, exposed myself in front of him, and he could walk away at any moment. He could take my heart and leave me and there's nothing I could do.
I feel like I have no control. Like I'm powerless in this situation. I've gambled with my love, I've taken the risk and put everything on red, but as the wheel spins, nothing stops it from landing on black.
I've known for a long time that I've been emotionally neglected and I always thought it didn't affect me. Maybe I've left it in the back of my mind for so long that, only now, is it starting to rot me from the inside. When you meet someone, you have to consider your feelings and for years I've never needed to. I've only ever suppressed my emotions and looked at the future. Now that I'm actively thinking about how I feel, it's like all my past trauma is offloading.
Could the reason I put Slater's feelings before my own be because I've been so emotionally neglected that I don't even consider myself anymore? Am I really that used to being invalidated?
