broken boy ❀ stiles stilinski

All my fault...

Scott's P.O.V

We still continue to have pack meetings. Basically because I wanted to show strength even though in the inside I was cracked. We didn't know anything from Stiles now a days. It hurts knowing your best friend it's in a lot of emotional pain but you can't do anything to help. It's too much to even think about him. I want it to stop and get back to how it was before all of the supernatural.

Everyday I try to imagine how I could possibly help him but even If I come with a small possibility, he doesn't even allows us to be near him. He's locked up in his own world and I hate not being a part of it.

I try to stay strong for everybody else but I think they know that is not really how I feel. I know everybody is feeling the same way and it's hard. Most of us didn't know how much Stiles had an effect on them until now. He is the one that brings joy to the pack, without him is like there was no point in living. Like the world is made of black and white and he is the one that brings all the colors.

After all we've been through I think this is the hardest one and it isn't even supernatural. It's like we've lost a member of our pack but I know that deep inside he is still there in our hearts, he will always be no matter what. Nobody wants to loose him but we don't know how can we possibly help someone that doesn't want to be helped.

It's so hard, he is my best friend! And I miss him! He is the one that even on the hardest time he would put on a smile, even if it's fake, that would lighten up the mood.

He has gotten through so much hard times I barely knew how he would continue on his life as normal as he can. He is the strongest member of the pack emotionally even if many don't see it.

But apparently whatever happened inside his mind while the Nogitsune took over has impacted him really hard and I wanna help so badly!! Ugh!! Why is it so hard?!

Stiles P.O.V

I feel it every minute now.

It's like someone is ripping me apart on the inside. Cutting every single thing that is left of my sanity, is being destroyed into pieces leaving only space for darkness to take its place.

I hate this feeling, mostly because I can't control it.

As each minute passes I feel more and more anger and the big urge to break something is getting bigger.

It's pain that I feel on my chest as I try more and more to fight against this insanity that is taking over me. I try and try but it doesn't work. My room is a chaos right now from the things I already broke before. There's glass everywhere from the shattered lamp on the floor.

Apart from all that pain I could say that I'm fine, even though it will be a lie.

I feel bad for letting everyone down, Scott, Lydia, Kira, ...my dad.

I've pushed them away but i wish I could tell them that it's for the best of them. I have to get them away from me because I can't control my own anger and I could cause more danger and damage that what I already caused.

I don't want them to feel worried about me more that they already are for not being with them but i can't let them see me this way. No way I'm gonna let that! happen.

They are already hurt and this will destroy them.

I know my dad is broken by now too. By loosing my mom and now practically losing me too. It's hard to think about the that so I try to push it away but it comes somehow anyway.

I don't know if it's real anymore, because of the nightmares, but I feel like when they "defeated" the Nogitsune they just killed him physically, but it's still alive emotionally in my head and it's trying it's way to get back and look for revenge.

Create chaos, strife, and pain.

I don't want that to happen in any circumstances because it will be hard for everyone knowing that his back and that this time the only way to defeat him is by killing the host... by killing.. me.

Nobody would want that to happen.

Except.. that maybe.. Kira's mom would do it.. without thinking.. twice.

I barely sleep now a days. Sleeping is now something far away from normal.

There's people that have saw me when I go out to buy little things but they promise not to tell anyone and until now it seems that they have stick to that promise.

My dad had stop trying to talk to me like he has given up all hope on me. I hate to think that like if I was a lost hope. But I know that it would be best if they just forget about me and live in with their lives so I can't cause any major damage. Something that will make me hate myself even more.

Through all of that I had caused more pain to many people by losing their loved ones that I can't even recognize myself sometimes.

All of this makes me notice that I'm not the Stiles everyone knows anymore, I know he is long gone, and I hate that.

I just want everything to get back to how it was before, back to normal, without the supernatural.

Back before Scott was bitten so we would have lived like normal teenagers not like adults who are trying to save the whole city's life before saving their own.

It almost seem that our life's went from bad to worst since that night in the woods.

And it seems that all of it was my fault because if I hadn't brought Scott with me to find that body on the woods that night then he wouldn't have got the bite and nothing that happen after it would had happen.

It's all my fault.

Stiles P.O.V

I couldn't live with the pain anymore.

It was a nightmare I can't get awake from. And no one will get me to wake up.

I just wanted everything to go back to normal. To get all the pain away.

To live free from the agonizing pain.

I remember what Mrs. Morrell quoted.

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

But I don't know if I can.

I can't live with this for the rest of my life.

I feel like I've made everyone around me feel hurt.

Everyone around me gets hurt.

I'm the problem. I can't make everyone suffer anymore. All because of me. I just can't.

Lately I've been thinking that I might be going totally insane.

There's times where I just hallucinating things or people that shouldn't be there.

I'm straight up losing my mind.

All this because of that stupid demon. I swear if there is any way to gain revenge against him I will take any chance to do it.

I am going insane. I need help. But I can't hurt anyone else that I care for. Not anymore.

Then an idea came to my head.

I knew what to do. There wasn't option left. That's the only place left for me. I hated doing this to my dad and to Scott. But I can't deal with this any more. I promised my mom that I will be strong but this is just too much.

I had a plan. I knew where to go.