Please don't forget to vote. Also listen to the song. WARNING Suicide, Mentions of suicide, Suicidal thoughts
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"Do you like them?" He says, standing at the door next to auntie Valentina.
Even though she's not really my aunt, my mom says to call her that. Plus, I like auntie Valentina. She always lets Alessio, Marco and I play together.
I take the handmade bouquet of lilacs from him, an uncontrollable smile growing on my little 6-year-old face.
"I love them." I say, taking in their scent.
"Say thank you, sweetie." Mama says, drawing her hand down my hair.
"Thank you, Alessio." I stay still for long enough to see his lips twitch up into a big satisfied smile. I then step forward, go on my tippy toes and wrap my arms around him.
He hugs me back tightly.
I liked his hugs. They were warm and comfortable.
I then pull away, slide my hand in his then run into the house to find Marco. "Let's go play!" I exclaim.
I jolt up in the bed, gasping for air. My hand comes to my mouth, muffling the sob that immediately pours past my lips.
I look to my right. And nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Rain is sleeping on his bed on the floor. I attempt to quite my wails in order to not wake him up.
Four days. It's been four days since that night.
I've managed to keep my tears and cries and screams limited to my mind. I've managed to say 'I'm fine' without breaking down and screaming about how not fine I am. I've managed to not open Alessio's closet, wrap my hand around a gun and shoot myself in the head.
I've managed. Until now, I've just managed.
Sometimes it feels like I'm not here. Like I'm outside of my body. Like a part of me stayed at that cabin. Sometimes it feels like I'm watching myself from the outside. Like I'm watching myself as I fall apart. As my smiles disappear. As the light inside of my eyes reduces to the tiniest sliver of hope.
Sometimes I think about how better off I'd be dead than alive.
I stand up and get out of the bed. My bare feet touch the cold wooden floor. I stare at the closet door. I stare and I stare and I stare.
I wrap my hands around the metal door knob. I swallow. I open the door and step inside.
A tear falls down my cheek as I'm engulfed in his scent. Clothes hang neatly on the white built in closet space. A variety of black button ups, greys, navy, and a few white ones. Pants are neatly folded.
