Autumn Leaves Fall and Wither

Chapter XI : The Reason is You

Unconsciously, he had run so far and was out of breath. It was night, and the air was so cold that Kazuha could feel his bone freeze. He regretted leaving his jacket on the chair back home. He regretted not bringing any money with him now. The only things in his pocket were his phone that was about to die and his bus pass. Kazuha climbed a staircase to cross the road, reached a bus stop.

He took out his bus pass, tapped on the machine, and got on the first bus that arrived.

He sat alone, ignoring people's curious eyes. As he lowered his head, he typed a message and sent it to Tomo.
I ran away from home.

He felt completely stupid now. Why would he send the message to Tomo? Why not Gorou? Gorou was his best friend. He would surely come to pick him up or whatsoever. His friend had always been a place for him to run away after anything that happened at home. But, why did Tomo's name was the first that crossed his mind just now?

Someone rang his phone. It was Gorou. Kazuha thought to answer him, but his hand was trembling and he wasn't sure if he could speak. So he rejected the call, and shoved the phone back into his pocket.

He wanted to die.

The bus stopped somewhere-Kazuha didn't bother to check or listen to the mechanical voice that announced the stop. He got out, followed unknown people, feeling completely stupid and useless and lost. He walked aimlessly, rubbing his arms, feeling like shit.

Some people were asking if he was okay, but he ignored them and kept walking. Only when he got to an empty corner of the road that he feel somewhat at peace. Maybe, dying in this unknown place alone would be best.

The young man sat next to a street lamp, leaning against the cold metal. He had never felt this lonely before, but here he was now. Alone in the dead of the night, under a street lamp, freezing.

He couldn't even cry or feel anything. He was just tired.
His phone vibrated for the umpteenth time now. A bunch of missed calls from Gorou and Beidou, another bunch of texts from them, and a single text from Tomo.

Tomo: Where are you now? What happened?
Mustering all strength left, he replied.
Kazuha: I don't know where I am. I'm kinda messed up.
Tomo: Share your location. I'll come get you.
Kazuha complied.

His stomach was growling now, but he couldn't think of any food. He was sick of everything.

Kazuha buried his face between his knees, hoping that Tomo would come soon. Or maybe Gorou.
Or his dad? He felt completely confused about himself now.

He missed his mom. She was an angel. She was the only person who understood him even if he didn't tell her anything. His memory of her was brief, as she passed away when he was eight. But he believed, if she was here now, his life would be much better. He didn't need to fight alone. He didn't need a constant reminder from his dad. He would be able to feel her warm breath while he was at the bottom of everything.

A sudden warmth filled the space on his right. Kazuha looked up, and his eyes met Tomo's lavender ones. The man was wearing a wool hat and a thick jacket. He was silent for a moment, before flashing a small smile to him.
"Did I take too long?" he asked.

Kazuha didn't know how long he had been sitting alone there. So, he just shook his head. "I came too early."
Tomo removed his jacket, and placed it over Kazuha's back. "Wanna tell me what happened?"

"I don't know where to start." He leaned against Tomo's bigger body, feeling his warmth, holding one of his hands as if his life depended on it. "I had so much to tell you, but now that you're here, everything is just gone."
"It's okay. Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Stay with me." Kazuha nuzzled against his chest, listening to his heartbeats. Only then, he could find peace and his buzzing mind was finally calmed down. "Don't wanna go home." "It's your dad, huh?" Tomo caressed his hair.
"He puts his hopes on me, and I don't think I can do anything about it," he mumbled. "I can't even tell him that I'm far from ready to carry all his hopes for the family and everything. I'm so useless."
"No, you're not useless." Tomo's breath was warm and soothing. His head rested atop Kazuha's, giving an extra weight yet it felt so complete. "You just need time, just as your dad does. Everyone has the right to dream and hope. That is what makes someone a human. Maybe next time, when you face your dad again, it's time to tell him your true wishes. Be frank to him."
"I don't think I'm ready for that."
"You always have time."
Kazuha nodded. "It all... feels so strange."
"Hmm? What feels strange?"
"Being with you." The smaller man embraced Tomo, letting his worries vapor into the cold night air. "I was so... confused back then, and when I realized it, I had run away from home. But now that you're here, I feel so safe. I feel like I'm at the right place." Tomo didn't respond.
"Is it okay if we stay like this for a while longer?"
"It's always nice being with you."
"I can even weave some verses now." He chuckled lightly. "' Death of night, fire swelling in one's chest... ' I don't know the rest."
"' Something's telling of love '. How does that sound?"
"That's nice. May as well add it to our project." Kazuha felt his eyelids grow heavy. Tomo's presence was enough to lull him to sleep, and he wouldn't regret any of it. "Can't wait to finish it and hear you sing it."
"Will you sing it with me?"
"Of course." And he closed his eyes, feeling comfortable, feeling like he was reaching the stars and heaven. In the middle of nowhere, surrounded by darkness and cold air, Kazuha mumbled, "I love you, Tomo."
Tomo responded by placing a soft kiss on his forehead.
It felt like an eternity. But if an eternity meant being in Tomo's arms, then Kazuha would cherish it.***

"KAZUHA!"
Kazuha grinned, but his forehead was kneaded. "Hey, Gorou."
Gorou's mouth was hanging open. His eyes darted toward Tomo behind Kazuha, still with his mouth open. He left the door, checking Kazuha up and down, front and back. And then, he gripped his friend's arms and shook him.
"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?!"
"Hey, hey, you're going to hurt him," warned Tomo.
Gorou's sharp blue eyes were narrowed. "And why is Tomo here?"
"I can explain," said Kazuha weakly. "But first, can we get inside? It's freezing here."

Gorou led them both into his house. The living room was dark and silent. Gorou said, everyone had gone to sleep, including his older brother Saburou who happened to always stay up late. No wonder, it was almost midnight. The house owner asked them to sit on the couch, while he went to get them something warm to drink.

Kazuha didn't leave Tomo's side since first arriving at Gorou's house. His presence was all he needed in this uncertain time. He didn't even want to go home. He was comfortable now.

"I thought you were joking when you texted that you were coming here. Because you didn't reply to my texts and didn't answer my calls." Gorou explained when he returned with two cups of warm tea, putting both cups on the table in front of the guests. He then sat down across Kazuha dan
Tomo.

Kazuha took one of the cups, letting the heat warm his freezing palms. He did text Gorou after Tomo arrived. It was also Tomo who suggested he return home. Since home is a tedious place, Gorou's became his destination.

"I was trying to find you," Gorou admitted, looking down at his own knees. "But where? I had looked around your neighborhood, asked everyone around, but nobody saw you or even recognized you. I was... completely lost. Thought I wouldn't see you again."
"I'm sorry."
Gorou shook his head. "Don't ever do that again. You... don't know how scared I was." Kazuha lost his voice.
"Tomo." Gorou looked up, eyes were glassy as if he was holding back tears. "Thanks for finding
Kazuha. You... have my greatest gratitude."
Tomo simply smiled and said, "That's what friends are for." Though the word 'friend' hurt, Kazuha couldn't agree more.
"Well, then," Tomo stood from the sofa, "I guess my job here is done."
"You don't want to stay here a bit longer?" Kazuha grabbed his right hand.
"I want to, but you two need your time." He walked to the front door. "Take care."
And he left. Just like that. Kazuha wanted to get angry, but he had been too angry since dinner that there wasn't any more energy left for him. He only sighed, and sipped the warm tea Gorou prepared. It was sweet and calmed him down.
"You can sleep on my bed. I will sleep here on the couch," Gorou said.
"I'll sleep here." Kazuha put down the empty cup on the table, and laid down on the couch. "It's comfortable."
"Well, then." Gorou lay on his couch, facing Kazuha. "I'll sleep here, too."

Kazuha fixed his eyes on Gorou's. How kind and caring he was. Gorou had been his best friend since forever. If things were different, maybe he would fall in love with him instead of Tomo. He rolled and laid flat on his back, closing his eyes. It's time to sleep, so he could stop thinking.
But his chaotic mind wandered on those possibilities and found no end. Now his head hurts. Kazuha opened his eyes again, staring at the dark ceiling for a few seconds, before turning to where Gorou was laying.

He almost jolted when he found Gorou's glinted eyes looking straight at him. Thanks to the soft glow of the moonlight that crept inside from the vents, he could see his friend's figure on the couch.

"You haven's slept?" he asked.
"I have to make sure you sleep first," Gorou replied. "So I can rest assured."
Kazuha smiled bitterly. "Say, Gorou. Do you think I'm a bad person? For running away from home. For going against my own parent? You know, they say that a parent always wants the best for their children."
"They do, but not everything they think best is also the best from the children's point of view." Gorou blinked as he said that casually. "My parents never force me or my siblings on anything. We were taught to decide our own fates since we were kids. Kinda different, huh?"
"Yeah. It must be nice." Kazuha exhaled loudly. "To have siblings and supportive parents."
"Hmm."
"Do you think it's fine if I never return home?"
"No way, man! It's not fine, and it never is!" Gorou's voice raised a bit. "Your father will be so worried and there's a possibility that he will send people to look for you! And then, the first place that he and his people will visit is my house. Then they'll find you here, and I'll get arrested for, say, kidnapping you."
"I can bail you out."
"I don't want to go to jail, thank you very much."
Kazuha let out a soft chuckle. "Of course, I don't want my best friend to go to jail."
"Sometimes, you're questionable."
"That's me, your bestest friend for eternity. You can't run or hide from me."
Gorou huffed. "Says you!"
Kazuha rolled back on his back, and closed his eyes. "Thank you, Gorou. I'll go home first thing in the morning."
"I can walk you there."
"No need. I need to face it myself."