Autumn Leaves Fall and Wither

Chapter XXII : I Love You Since I Met You.

Tomo's funeral went well as it should be. Kazuha left the funeral home alone, sitting in the empty backyard. He didn't shed a tear on the whole process. He only looked at Tomo's smiling photo that was placed on the front of his coffin with emptiness. How could a person like Tomo be fit into that small coffin? It was impossible, right? Tomo would fit more sitting on the bench with him now rather than be confined inside that cramped wooden prison.

"Kazuha?"

The said person turned around, finding Gorou walking toward him slowly. He was wearing a black long-sleeved dress shirt with black matching pants and shoes. Agony was painted on his face, but Kazuha could be careless. He couldn't feel anything, after all.

"Hey, do you need anything?" Gorou placed a hand on his shoulder. It felt hot and heavy.

Kazuha looked at his own knees for a second too long, and decided that he didn't feel like answering.

"Do you want to be alone?" Gorou's next question prompted Kazuha to look up and reached for his hand.

"Stay," he whispered. "Please."

Gorou sat next to him. He let his hand be squeezed by Kazuha, and when Kazuha leaned against his shoulder, his eyes were closed automatically. He could feel Gorou shudder under his weight. Maybe his friend was afraid. Maybe he was embarrassed. Kazuha couldn't think of anything now.

"I'm so sorry for what happened," Gorou stated. "Tomo was my good friend, too."

Kazuha nodded. "Do you think he's happy now?"

"He should be."

"I've never got to tell him..."

"It's okay. I'm sure he understood."

They fell silent. Only the wind was blowing a whistle around them. It was a warm afternoon. But even the warmth couldn't reach Kazuha's frozen heart.

"Your dad texted you," Gorou started. "Did you check your phone?"

Kazuha opened his eyes, and reached for his own phone. There was a message from his dad. It wasn't an ordinary message. Instead, it was a video. Tomo's face was on the thumbnail, blocked by a giant red triangle.

"What's this?" he asked.

"I dunno. Your dad said it was from Tomo's parents. Why don't you play it?"

Kazuha did as he was told. The second his thumb contacted the giant triangle, the video was started.

Tomo in the video was sitting on his hospital bed. He looked nervous and shy at the same time. He kept glancing around as if making sure that he was completely alone.

"Hello?" He tapped on the screen like a curious cat. "Is this thing on? I've never done this before. Please don't judge me."

"He's an idiot," Kazuha commented.

"Yeah, I know." Gorou agreed.

The camera was tumbling and Tomo cursed. A second later, it returned to its original position and Tomo's face was on the screen again.

"Damn! Didn't know it would be this hard." He shrugged, and then cleared his throat. "Okay, so, I made this video a few days after I was admitted to the hospital. It might sound strange, but I... made this for you, Kazuha. Also for you, Gorou."

The two of them looked at each other, confused, then returned to the video.

Tomo inhaled deeply and loudly, and then, "Kazuha, if you're watching this recording now, it can only mean that I'm not here anymore."

Kazuha felt a stab in his heart.

"I'm so sorry for not telling you anything. I was... scared. I was scared to hurt you more than I should. I was afraid to lose you, too. I was afraid... of death. More than anything. The very thought of it scares me. Because once it gets me, I will leave everyone behind. I will leave you. That's why I told you to not fall in love with me. That's also the reason I kept avoiding you. So that when I... leave, you won't feel betrayed. But even so, it gets more and more difficult for me..."