Dominant Lover (YiZhan FF) - Completed

19: Memoirs of That Day

Zhan was staring blankly at his empty canvass, thoughts jumbled, emotions muddled. He doesn't know what to draw, what to express, how to start. Time was ticking as he sat still, engrossed in silence until the door opened and then closed behind him and made him jump.

The entrance of a figure he wasn't expecting now stood behind him. As he turned, Zhan was torn between rage, desperation and paralysis.

This encounter was totally unexpected when in the past days all Yibo did was to try to keep the distance between them.

Zhan feared this meeting and he hated to hear what Yibo has to say.

In the end, Zhan stood his ground, defenses lifted, heart closed to surrender too easily.

He listened collectedly to what the younger came to tell him: Yibo's sorry and story; his broken trust and sad childhood.

Zhan was almost elated to at least be given the answer and the explanation; the apology and the truth. But isn't it too easy to forgive in that instant just because he loves Yibo too much? Just because he was the older one and the one who knows and understands better? Will he always be the one to bend and forgive?

He became furious all of a sudden. At the situation and, specifically, at himself. It was quite something to find himself in distraught when the man he loves says he didn't mean to hurt him. That Yibo's acts were justified by his childhood trauma that's why he couldn't trust Zhan in the past, the reason he wandered off and left Zhan.

Was Zhan's self-anger due to the inadequacy of what Yibo said to him or was it because he wanted more? What about the moments they've shared? The love that Zhan gave? Can't Yibo mention his stand in love matters?

Zhan is the same as everyone else. He can be edgy and needy. He demands more answers but his mouth ran faster than his mind. He sneered, he condemned, he said, "This is the end for us." He asked to be left alone, he asked Yibo to go away.

Silence is golden, Zhan should've known. Once the hurtful words came out of his mouth, Yibo walked away without giving Zhan a chance to correct his spiteful words. Zhan regretted saying things he didn't mean but he was stunned by his own lies and also caught in surprise of how Yibo gave up readily.

Soon enough, Zhan didn't have the guts to patch up the damage done.

Yibo was hurt, Zhan knew he'd hurt him.

He saw how The Mighty Yibo shrunk in hurt from his insensitive words. He saw how the younger's shoulder drop and how Yibo looked at him as if pleading him not to shoo him away from his life and give him another chance. But Zhan didn't.

Very soon, Yibo was gone.

His usual spot at Zhan's classroom entrance became permanently vacant. The shadow which follows Zhan around vanished. Zhan wants to believe it was better this way but his heart knew better.

The days plough through still: dragging and dull.

Zhan continued to miss Yibo in the days ahead, loving him more it was almost like crazy! His mind was full of him, and his heart was filled with only the thoughts of him.

Yibo remained his all-time weakness and Zhan used this as his strength. The artist poured his hurt, his love, his loneliness and his longing in every stroke of his brush against the bare canvass.

A picture came after those laborious hours, sweat and tears Zhan had poured on this masterpiece.

At last, the painter took a step back and marvel at what he had accomplished.

One look at the refractive cyan waters and Zhan can hear the waves of the sea during that picturesque sunset when he had laid his heart bare for Yibo to decipher. He closed his eyes and let the memoirs of that day wash over him: Yibo's soft call as he inched his way closer and tug Zhan in a warm embrace; the tingles on his skin where they touched; the shiver that ran through his backbone as their lips collided; Yibo's amber eyes telling him the words he wanted to hear.

It was love.

Yibo loves him too.

Zhan was sure the younger's eyes tell him the truth of his love for him.

It was such a beautiful memory! But how could Zhan doubt those feelings? How pathetic was he to believe it was only his one-sided love all along?!

Zhan thinly smiled as he opened his eyes back to reality and stare back at his finished painting. Fat tears stream from his sockets unrefined. His memoir painting screams his love and his heart cries for the love that wasn't given its deserved chance.

"Yibo, I'm sorry..." Zhan whimpered in silence. "I miss you." He honestly admitted. "I love you, Baobei." His tears came rushing more.

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27-02-22