Wednesday, March 2nd 2022 12:04 pm
I'm so damn conflicted when it comes to my body. At first I was so unhappy with it, but now that my eating is in order I'm gaining weight and I have such a love hate relationship with it.
I'm not sure what I want and its so confusing. I don't wanna stay small, especially after I went over my cousin's house and comments that were made about my body... Its so discouraging.
I wanna take it slow and easy but I'm not sure. I jumped into a completely different workout routine and I'm not even sure-
Im not sure about anything when it comes to my body. I thought it was something I was over but I'm not and its so annoying. Why am I so confused about it?
I wanted to gain weight but now that I am I'm not sure that's what I still want.
I already know that once I lose the weight again Imma want it back. Its just a fucking hamster wheel at this point.
I think I'll just move to a flexibility routine and get comfortable there? Then once I do I'll...figure it out.
I hate when I get like this. I hate not being able to like what I see in the mirror. Like fuck. I thought this was over and behind us.
~J
